 |
| Photo borrowed from http://www.saltycanary.com/infertility-update/ |
"Are you planning to have kids?" "Didn't you want to have more kids?" "Have you started trying yet?"
All of these are innocent questions that I am certainly guilty of asking. They are not bad questions. In fact, they are great conversation starters. But, these questions can have a little sting when directed to a family privately struggling with infertility or loss.
"I'm pregnant!" "We weren't even trying."
These statements can also sting. Again, not bad things to say, but can indirectly remind a family that their path to parenthood wasn't or isn't as easy. To clarify, I guarantee they are genuinely happy for their friends and family who have conceived. Its just the fact that as a culture we have made infertility a secret battle that feels almost impossible to relate to. A secret pain that you alone are enduring and possibly even ashamed of... We talk openly about pregnancy, we recognize every prenatal milestone, but infertility is not talked about.
Well, lets talk about it.
1.5 million women between the ages of 15 and 44 are considered infertile today (Source).
Infertility affects about 12 percent of the reproductive-age population. In the United States, this includes 7.3 million women and their partners (Source).
Among married women without children, 25 percent of those aged 35 to 39 were infertile (Source).
At least a million babies have been born in the U.S. using lab-assisted techniques (Source).
20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (Source).
1 in 4 women have experienced the heartache of at least one miscarriage (Source).
My goal with this article was not to ask anyone to stop saying these statements, hide their pregnancy successes, or even create sympathy.... My goal was simply to give a voice to many woman's private battle. I see you. We see you. It is your path to parenthood. It is also your decision on how to get there. Families privately battling their way to parenthood have given a great deal of thought to their options. Should we adopt, foster, seek fertility treatments, become super Aunts and Uncles or let nature decide? They probably have the most thought out and conscious path to parenthood in our society. As a result, their choice must be honored and respected.
