I hope I never forget....

I have been feeling sentimental lately... But I have good reason. My only baby will now soon be a big brother. I am transitioning from a first-time Mom to a Mom of multiples. Twins are on their way Spring of 2019. This transition has been a whirlwind of emotions including excitement, bewilderment, nerves and more. So with the combination of hormones, lack of sleep and my quickly growing son and family, I have been feeling sentimental lately. Please indulge me....

August 2018

Things I hope I never forget:

I hope I never forget that you say toe-tatos instead of potatoes,
and Togg instead of Todd.
I hope I never forget that your biggest fear is ants,
but you are working through this by regularly playing out pretend ant bites.
I hope I never forget that you line all of your cars up
creating a zen garden of Hotwheels.
I hope I never forget your morning breathe
or the smell of your head.
I hope I never forget that mornings are our best cuddles,
because you're too busy in the day for such things.
I hope I never forget your refusal to feed yourself,
and the times I roll my eyes trying to get you to take bites.
I hope I never forget your love for fake coughing,
and your insistence on yodeling daily.
I hope I never forget the moment you crowned,
and I impatiently grabbed you from me before the midwife could intervene.
I hope I never forget that hairy peeling baby skin,
and that little wrinkly butt.
I hope I never forget how frustrated you got trying to take your first steps.
You just couldn't wait and had to push through.
I hope I never forget the utter excitement and ownership you took,
the first time you saw your two baby siblings' sonogram.
I hope I never forget they way you look at me,
and how you say, "I love you, Mommy."
You will forever be my first born, our oldest son, and the one who made me a Mom.
I hope I never forget these little things...
the ones that don't always make the photo album,
but make my days with you perfect.

This Show is Mommy Approved

TV is a part of my parenting style. We limit it and ensure that what is watched is educational, but TV allows my son some down time when needed, Mommy to work at her computer when needed, or just exposure to fantasy or lessons outside of our every day world. One show we are in looooooove with is "Super Wings."

My son discovered "Super Wings" on Netflix. (My almost 3 year old is slowly but surely learning to navigate the IPad). Netflix currently offers 2 seasons (approximately 150 episodes) in English, Spanish, Italian, Korean and Mandarins. I love shows that my son can watch in English or Spanish and Netflix is a go to in our cable free home. I have also seen it on Amazon Prime. According to Wikipedia, "Super Wings is an animated television series co-produced by FunnyFlux Entertainment in South Korea, Qianqi Animation in China, and Little Airplane Productions in the United States, with the production support from the Educational Broadcasting System and CJ E&M in South Korea, and additional support from KOCCA."

Here is what I love about Super Wings:

Jet, the main character, is an airplane who delivers packages all over the world. During each episode, he is given a package by Jimbo or Sky to deliver. They then show a world map and outline the route of travel from their starting point. Before take off, Jimbo or Sky will teach Jet a few points about that country which will include, the language spoken, 1-2 words in that language, and some cultural details. Then Jet is off to make his delivery. 

Upon arrival in the new country, the package is delivered to its choice recipient and usually is a piece to some regional aspect or cultural event. The recipient usually has some challenge associated with the package, so Jet calls his other airplane friends and they solve the challenge together. All meanwhile, they navigate the new country's culture, language and traditions during their mission.

Some of these countries, I have never even heard of! I have a Master's degree!!!!! On the couch one day, my son turns to me and says, "Namaste means hello." He has soaked up every episode. This month marks his 3rd birthday and he got his first set of Super Wings toys. Now, I get to hear him play out these countries names and challenges on his bedroom floor with his new characters. He is really learning! 

I highly recommend this show for kids. Its entertaining, education, free, and fun! I say it would be good for ages 2-10.

“There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather" A Review

By Contributing Writer Alyssa Queen of Texas

If you read only one book this season, it should absolutely be “There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom's Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids (from Friluftsliv to Hygge)” by Linda Åkeson McGurk. This book is equal parts anecdotal narrative and non-fictional facts as the author navigates starting and raising a family as a Swedish transplant in the United States and then later, taking her American kids to Sweden for half a year. It gives you a completely different view of our own culture that is so ingrained in us and will inspire you to make little changes every day. It’s absolutely changed my entire perspective on raising children and made a huge difference in our lives!

It’s an easy-to-read, enjoyable story that at the heart examines the importance of outdoor play and letting kids learn to navigate risk throughout their life. It’s our job as parents to nurture and guide our children throughout life’s challenges, but equally as important for them to learn to face adversity on their own. Play, especially outdoor play, is the opportune time for them to push boundaries, learn how to carefully evaluate and take risks when they are ready, and manage the (both negative and positive) consequences that result. Other lovely side-effects of this include improvement in the overall health of our children, as well as teaching and inspiring them to be good stewards of this beautiful planet of ours. It also talks pretty in-depth about the Swedish versus American school systems that was both enlightening and alarming as my 3 year old will begin school faster than I can imagine. 

Two little bears playing at Free Forest School in Texas

This book isn’t just a personal story, or philosophical look at many parenting topics- it even dives into truly usable tips and information for putting these thoughts into action with our children. After you read it and are bursting at the seams to talk about it with someone like I was, message me and we can totally go to town! Also, full disclosure: I listened to it on my Audible app instead of actually, physically reading it the first time and the audiobook is really terrific! Though I loved it so much, I ended up buying the physical copy also and read it all over again. If I didn’t listen to books, I’d never get to “read” anything! #MomLife

I hope you get a chance to “read” it and it inspires you as much as it did me!

The horrors of IVs and littles.

Most mom's who have had their littlest, littles have an IV or extensive blood draw usually also has a traumatic story to share along with it. We are no exception. When my son was one and a half he got two viruses back to back at the tail end of the cold and flu season. The first virus has him running a fever for about a week, but nothing too high or dramatic. This of course resulted in decrease appetite, lethargy and a resistance to fluids... but we tried our best. By day 7, our Little Bear had contracted his second virus and started spiking high fevers of 104 and greater.

Our fourth trip to the doctor's resulted in a direct hospital admit for suspected dehydration.

Dehydration means IV.

April 2017

Up to this point, my son had had two blood draws for food allergy testing in his life. They of course hurt him, but he didn't even cry during the draws. They were short and performed on healthy hydrated veins. This IV stick however, was a different story. We had a cranky-sick baby, in a new hospital environment, with nurses dressed for quarantine, trying to stick an IV line into little dehydrated veins. It was a disaster.

The nurses began by wrapping (swaddling) my son in a blanket and allowing me to stand at his head to comfort him and control his upper body movements. Meanwhile, the two pediatric nurses attempted for the longest 45 minutes of me, my partners and I'm confident my son's life to get an IV line in.  Mommy mode had kicked in so I was calm and comforting but the moment he was returned back to the room with his other parent, I had to go for a walk so I could break down and cry. It was horrible. He was so scared and mad and miserable.

Two days later his IV fell out... I was not doing that to him again. I remember hesitating to even tell the nurse the IV fell out. But, at this point I knew my son had spiked some even higher fevers and it just needed to be done.

I went to the head nurse and stated that I wanted the most specialized and experienced nurse to perform the IV line. The head nurse with no hesitation stated, no problem. She called down to the NICU and a NICU nurse came up to perform the line.

This time was different from the start. The NICU nurse came with a vein viewer light. She shined it on my sons arm, which illuminated a clear view of his veins. Within a few tearless seconds his line was in and we were back in our room.

Photo source: https://www.christiemed.com/PublishingImages/Pages/pediatrics/veinviewer-tertiary20.png

My point in this story was not to disparage those hard working pediatric nurses who got my son's first line in. They had many challenges and throughout the process stayed calm and professional. My point is THERE IS A VEIN VIEWER! Ask for it. Require a NICU nurse who is accustomed to smaller and harder veins to put in your child's line. It was a completely different experience. I would love to save a mom and baby from having a scary, emotional IV story.

My son of course made a full recover and was up playing and home in no time. I caught the same virus upon our return home, but it was so minor on my adult body compared to my son's baby body. My ideal wish is that your little does not get sick enough to require an IV, but with cold and flu season here again, I wanted to pass on this info and hopefully save someone some heartache.
 

Donor Conceived. What does that mean?

My son was donor conceived. He has two mom's and we were able to make a beautiful baby using a generous donation from a sperm donor and a little help from the doctor. For some families, this may be new. Your child may have some questions about this and you may struggle with knowing how to answer these questions. I admit as the parent, I too didn't know all of the "right" things to say, but I was able to get some great advise from a PhD leading in the field. I thought it would be helpful, to go ahead and just lay out a list of helpful points.

- Donors are not parents. They do not see themselves as parents when providing their donation. They see sperm or egg donation how you might see blood or bone marrow donation. As a result, we should always refer to them as the donor and not as the biological mother or father.

- Acknowledge that nature and nurture both take a strong role in developing a child. So the non-bio parent is 100% the parent. This is the same for a step-father who has stepped up for an absent biological father, or for adoptive parents who raise a child as their own. This means, we don't need to search for answers to questions past the parent's we see right in front of us. Let the child lead the way and not be placed in a position to answer circumstances complicated by adults.

- Donor conceived children may very likely have donor siblings. Each child and family view these relationships differently and this discussion should be led by the child and not by curious adults.

- Its okay to acknowledge a donor has been used. The word donor is generally not taboo in a family with a donor conceived child. Its okay to even ask the parent's about how it works or even ask for advice on how to talk to their own children about this family dynamic. Donor recipients have been trained usually by their fertility clinic on how to assist in these interactions. However, be prepared to sometimes get a response like, "we are choosing to keep those details personal." That's an okay response too.

- When talking to your own children, try to be inclusive of all of the different types of families that can exist. That is really half of the battle. They are much more open to these concepts and find little question in them compared to adults.

I hope this was helpful and interesting!

An inclusive answer to "how babies are made."

Every parent knows that at some point their child is going to ask them "where do babies come from?" and "how are babies made?" These questions are almost always uncomfortable for parents because it can also trigger a discussion about sex. It usually comes too soon and marks the milestone that your baby certainly isn't a baby anymore. He or she is demonstrating complex thought and is wanting to learn how the world works. However, this question can get even more complicated for parents who are not able to conceive naturally. Thankfully, in this day an age there are so many amazing fertility options available that allow parents to use surrogates, egg donation, sperm donation, insemination, in vitro fertilization, etc and this doesn't even include the other ways we can make families including domestic or international adoption and foster care.

Emylee McIntyre Photography

Many of you already know that our Little Bear has two moms and is the result of sperm donation and IUI treatments. Prior to starting treatment, our clinic required us to participate in a psychological assessment. Resentful at first, this appointment ended up being so informative. It basically included a discussion of how to answer these questions for your donor conceived child and what language to use with them while growing up. I thought this information was so great, why not share it with friends?

The basic principle includes:

To make a baby, it takes a part from a woman called an egg and a part from a man called the sperm. Sometimes families have their own egg and sperm to use and sometimes families have very special donors that give them their egg and/or their sperm. It takes a lot of love and effort to make a baby and sometimes families need a lot of help from the doctor. Then, the baby has to grow in a belly. This is sometimes the mommy's belly but it can also be the birth mom's belly or a surrogate's belly. Then when the baby is big, it is ready to come out and be with its new family. 

So essentially, sex is really separated from the discussion and reserved for another day. The idea is to keep to the truth of how babies are made, but make slight changes that make the description inclusive of all families. Parent's can also tailor this to fit their specific child's conception/birth story, or to fit a friend's story that your child has questions about. As they get older, more and more details can fill in as they continue to ask questions.

I just really thought to myself what a beautiful world it could be if all children were introduced to how babies were made in this inclusive way. It also really helps to normalize fertility issues, if your child happens to have them as an adult. This introduction to fertility could help alleviate some of the shame and guilt for them later on.

Surprisingly, our 2 1/2 year old son asked us "how are babies made" last week!?!?! I was not ready for this.... I thought I had several more years, but his eager observant little mind has noticed his friends have brothers and sisters and he does not. We shared this story with him and talked to him specifically about how he was conceived. He loves this story! He asks to hear it over and over again. So this is baby tested and approved.

Free Range Parenting Fears

I love the idea of a free range childhood. I grew up in a very small town. We had a decent house in a new developing subdivision, which meant that we were surrounded by acres and acres of open land that was yet to be developed. So my modest subdivision home felt like a ranch with 500 acres. As a child, I was free range from very early on. My brother and I would wear a watch and we were required to check back in at home every hour or so, longer as we got older. Other than our "check ins," we were free to climb trees, build forts, and "rescue" whatever little wild mice or snakes we could capture. It was so much fun and it must have been generational. My mother and father had very similar upbringings. Both grew up in very rural parts of our small town and had easy access to redwood trees, creeks, rivers, wild berries and hills to entertain their days.

San Antonio, Texas

Fast forward to now. I live in a city of nearly 1.8 million people and our house is in the heart of this city. I don't know if times have changed or if there is just less comfort in going free range in a city vs. a town, but I cannot imagine letting my child have the same freedom that I had growing up. You see, in a town there is an understanding that you know most everyone. If someone passed by and saw me playing, it was most likely a friend, a neighbor, a cashier from the grocery... you get the idea. I am not sure if that is a false sense of security or if the stranger danger of a city really puts your child more at risk....  All I know is the idea of gangs, pedophiles and even city police scare range right out of my free.

Free Petting Zoo Event 2018

With that being said, I still love raising my child here. This city is bustling with low cost and free activities for kids. The amount of exposure we have access to is a blessing. My 3 year old has a solid group of diverse friends. He has seen original Picasos and Monets, held dozens of exotic animals, been to major arenas, and benefited from living in a city with a major airport (small town people know that flights are very, very expensive). But as a parent who appreciates free range, how can I incorporate that into my city lifestyle?   

Toddler Centered Art Tour 2018

 I feel free range parenting raises safe and confident kids. Free range parenting:
- Forces kids to assess risk themselves and navigate it appropriately.
- Offers kids opportunity to use their imagination and creativity to entertain themselves without the crutch of toys or electronics.
- Gives kids opportunities to problem solve issues and lets them practice social interactions without intervention.
- Lets kids sample independence and build self-efficacy prior to launching them off into the world.

I have some ideas brewing. Luckily, we also stable a horse at a ranch with 100 acres, so there is an obvious opportunity there; but, I would love to hear more ideas of how you safely incorporate free range parenting into your lifestyle. Any successes or failures? Anyone complete reject this parenting philosophy? Is there a difference between rural and urban? Any urban ideas or opportunities? I would love to hear it all!

I am a white passing mother raising a non passing son.

I am a white passing mother raising a son who will never pass as white.  My family's story includes a heritage of French, German and English ancestry, but I am also Hispanic and native. I am proud to be multi-ethnic,  but I can certainly pass as white depending on which parent I am standing with or how I carry myself. I have learned how to navigate situations to play to privilege, color - other or join at my discretion. As a child or teen, I maybe didn't understand how to do this, but society certainly allowed me opportunities to perfect this skill.

My son is all of me.... And, he is also black. He comes from a rich history of Creole ancestry, has the burden of not knowing his true African roots, and the privilege of being a member of a truly vibrant culture. He will never pass as white. He may on some days, to some people, pass as "not black," but he is most certainly a person of color. He is perfect. 

What does that mean for him in this world today? What does that mean for me as his parent? I am a essentially a white mother raising a person of color. 

Glowing, giggling toddler

My glowing, giggly toddler walks into a room assuming everyone will love him. And they do! We cant go anywhere, run a single errand, without a handful of people coming up to him and joyfully meeting him. Every day I hear how beautiful he is, how curly he is, how smart he is, how talkative he is. He is not a threat to them. He is a beautiful, curious nonthreatening baby boy.  But, how long will that last?

In America we are taught that black men are scary, violent, and even predatory. They are seen as a threat before they are even men. Then we wonder why some of them become the predators we make them out to be. The NY Times featured an amazing, heartbreaking video. It essentially covered the lessons we as parents, black or not, must teach our black sons.

Lesson 1: The police are not your friend. 

Lesson 2: Some people wont like you and it has nothing to do with who you are. 

Lesson 3: You are more than what they expect you to be.

It broke my heart.

Please vote. Please take a stand.

I was innocent for longer than most of my friends. I played with Barbies until sixth grade. I was the last of my friends to wear make up and I still enjoyed watching Barney and Mr. Rogers for far longer than I care to admit. My mother wanted to maintain my innocence and childhood as long as she could and it served me well. My internal struggle now is realizing that I cant necessarily take that same tact with my son. I cant maintain his innocence longer than the moment society begins to see him as a threat. How heavy is that?

My son was luckily born into a powerful black family that can help model to him that he gets to define his own self worth and not his oppressors. He was also born into a time where the number of interracial marriages and mixed race children are at an all time high. We have had Obama! But, we have also had Trump. We estimate by 2050 America will be considered the mixed race future, but we also have a need for the Black Lives Matter movement... 

My only wish is that we are able to make a change in our society before I have to teach my son those unfortunate lessons mentioned above. Please join me in making a difference, everyday. 

A generational response to gun violence

The Santa Fe High School shooting occurred only hours from my home and marks the second nationally recognized massacre to occur near me of recent (The first was the "Texas Church" shooting in the small town of Sutherland Springs).  I posted on Facebook my very real consideration for home schooling my son. "I don't take my child to dangerous environments and its starting to feel like schools are a hub for violence" I replied to my singular protester. The rest of the responses were overwhelmingly in agreement. My fellow mommy community seemed to share the same fears and were also seriously considering home schooling as a way to keep their children safe. And why wouldn't they. Today is May 19th and there have been 22 mass shootings.... No, not this year... this MONTH alone! (SOURCE)

77 year old Grandmother

This morning, I was meeting with my Grandmother who was born in 1941. She is an avid reader but doesn't care much for following the news. I regularly update her on major events and today was no different. We talked about the royal wedding and the Santa Fe shooting, but the shooting absolutely shocked her. Her face was of utter disbelief and she almost started to cry. I mentioned it almost like a grocery shopping list reading and realized in that moment she was about to cry. I imagine this is how I used to feel back in 1999 when school shootings felt unthinkable.

I grew up with guns. Our family is in complete support of gun ownership. We spent our falls hunting, our summers target shooting and some of our most sentimental family heirlooms included my Grandfather's rifles. Guns were something you respected, used responsibly, and kept secure. Upon telling my Grandma about the Santa Fe shooting, she was so confused as how one person could shoot that many people so quickly. I then realized that in hearing this story, my grandmother was picturing a student using a hunting rifle to commit these crimes. And why wouldn't she? That is how I grew up. That was the original purpose of the 2nd amendment. To allow families to bear arms in support of their own personal protection, protest and survival. It was not designed to protect an individual's right to collect high magazine sporting rifles as a matter of hobby or even worse, arm their plan for mass assault.

This should not be the last of our innocence.

When I advised my grandmother that now you can buy rifles that have a high magazine capacity and are semi automatic, she looked at me like the younger generation was completely out of their mind. And we are. That look was well deserved.

"I always felt, eventually it was going to happen here too" Paige Curry (17), a Santa Fe Shooting Survivor explained expectantly of the day's massacre (SOURCE).

We have allowed this to happen to our children. They are essentially expectant of the possibility of a school shooting with about the same apathy as we may have felt about car accidents growing up. Guilty, I find myself scrolling through Facebook and mass casualty usually only gets a small portion of my attention as I find the next video of a friend's newly crawling baby. I too have apathy. My heart goes out to Paige Curry, the Santa Fe families, and all of our youth. My son was born in 2015. What will he say? What will he think about gun violence? Is this really what we want normalized for our children? I want him to have the same innocence as my Grandmother and be raised with the same respect and boundaries for firearms as me.

Enjoying the bounty of Spring in Texas

To learn more about gun control policy options and opinions visit: https://www.politico.com/story/2018/02/28/gun-control-polling-parkland-430099

Being Naked

From: www.istockphoto.com

It all started with our fertility treatments.  I had to get vaginal sonograms several times a month and inseminated regularly. This meant a number or people were regularly all up in my business. Then labor and childbirth for me was a naked experience. It just needed to happen that way... Then nursing. Nursing meant my body was no longer my own. Instead of nourishing me and thinking of me, my  body was doing everything it could to produce liquid gold for a baby who certainly thought my body was just an extension of his. This meant boobs out all hours of the day. And, the story continues... If I wanted to shower, like really shower without a screaming baby in the background, baby was in the tub with me. More than I care to admit, going to the restroom meant holding a baby on my lap.  Sometimes my opportunity to get dressed, or halfway into getting dressed, would be interrupted by an impending baby need. I know all of you moms can relate. Being naked is just a much bigger part of my life as a mom. 

My son has two older cousins. By older, I mean 2 and 3 years older. A year ago, when they were 1, 3 and 4 we would just throw them all in the tub together during family visits. They loved bath time. Bubbles and boats with cousins were precious memories. A year later, they were 2, 4 and 5 and without discussion, we no longer presented the option of cousin baths. The 5 year old was now concerned about modesty, closing the door, and very communicative about making sure people did see my son's business during diaper changes.

Growing up in my house modesty and privacy were taught at a very young age and enforced. I can't even remember bathing with my brother who is 14 months younger than me. My partner on the other hand grew up in a household of 9 siblings where modesty was simply not even technically possible. Still to this day, nakedness with her sisters is not even noticed.  

I know norms surrounding nakedness, boundaries and modesty are very different across the world? It can be attributed to culture or even family.  But, is it something that happens naturally? Does a family settle into a norm that moves and changes as children age and grow without conscious thought?  Or is it something thought out and planned? Do you directly correlate milestones and delineate by gender? 

When do you stop bathing with child? 

Is it a different rule for Moms vs. Dads?

When do siblings stop bathing together?

When is it no longer acceptable for your child to see you naked?

When is it no longer appropriate to see your child naked?

Do these boundaries even exist in your family?

I thought it would be fun to here what other moms have to see. I am sure there is a range that would be an interesting point for discussion. 

It takes time to make perfect.

Our first positive pregnancy test.
March 2015

 "It takes time to make perfect," became my pregnancy mantra.  I was so eager to conceive and had a schedule and plan set out, which of course... didn't happen. To piggy back off of my last post, trying to conceive can be hard. My story. I don't know if I have infertility issues per say. Not every fertility issues can even be diagnosed. However, our family is a same-sex household and we don't get the benefit of trying for free.  We also seem to take longer to get pregnant than the average fertility patient, so there are definitely challenges in conceiving.  Every pregnancy attempt is timed, medicated, monitored, and very expensive. I've been poked and prodded so far into one successful pregnancy.  It certainly takes the "fun" out of getting pregnant or eliminates the surprise/oops factor, but by no means takes the excitement away when it does happen.

Unfortunately in the US, fertility treatments are covered minimally for heterosexual couples, if at all, and not covered at all for single or same sex couples. That is a huge problem in my opinion. My son took nine attempts and is now lovingly referred to as our "community college baby" because he has already spent his college fund. Not really, but in reality, many things were just put on pause. Travel, buying clothes, restoring our home, replacing vehicles, buying anything nonessential, just became unimportant compared to making a baby.  Saving for a hopeful number two certainly puts our family in that same financial boat again. Any meal out is a potential round of one of the medications. It puts non essential expenses in an interesting light that is for sure.

5 weeks!

I've been fortunate enough that after attempting nine times that I did actually get pregnant and did not have a miscarriage. I could not imagine feeling the excitement and relief of finally getting a positive test, just to lose it a week, month or even 6 months into the pregnancy. I loved my baby before we even conceived with my entire heart. That type of loss would be immeasurable and it breaks my heart that it is such a heavy "secret" weighing on so many woman. You should know that most women (more than 85 percent) who miscarry are able to get pregnant again and give birth to healthy babies. Since most miscarriages occur totally randomly, having one does not increase your risk of experiencing a subsequent pregnancy loss (Source).

I share my story because I think as a woman who "struggles" to get pregnant, we can sometimes feel alone, frustrated, disheartened, or maybe even experience grief. I just wanted to reach out to others who have had a rocky path and share my mantra with you. "It takes time to make perfect."

Jessica Saurez Photography
http://www.jessica-suarez-photography.com/

Our Hidden Secret, Infant Loss and Infertility

Photo borrowed from http://www.saltycanary.com/infertility-update/

"Are you planning to have kids?" "Didn't you want to have more kids?" "Have you started trying yet?"

All of these are innocent questions that I am certainly guilty of asking. They are not bad questions. In fact, they are great conversation starters. But, these questions can have a little sting when directed to a family privately struggling with infertility or loss.  

"I'm pregnant!" "We weren't even trying."

These statements can also sting. Again, not bad things to say, but can indirectly remind a family that their path to parenthood wasn't or isn't as easy. To clarify, I guarantee they are genuinely happy for their friends and family who have conceived. Its just the fact that as a culture we have made infertility a secret battle that feels almost impossible to relate to. A secret pain that you alone are enduring and possibly even ashamed of... We talk openly about pregnancy, we recognize every prenatal milestone, but infertility is not talked about. 

Well, lets talk about it. 

1.5 million women between the ages of 15 and 44 are considered infertile today (Source).

Infertility affects about 12 percent of the reproductive-age population. In the United States, this includes 7.3 million women and their partners (Source). 

Among married women without children, 25 percent of those aged 35 to 39 were infertile (Source).

At least a million babies have been born in the U.S. using lab-assisted techniques (Source).

20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (Source).

1 in 4 women have experienced the heartache of at least one miscarriage (Source).

My goal with this article was not to ask anyone to stop saying these statements, hide their pregnancy successes, or even create sympathy.... My goal was simply to give a voice to many woman's private battle.  I see you. We see you. It is your path to parenthood.  It is also your decision on how to get there.  Families privately battling their way to parenthood have given a great deal of thought to their options. Should we adopt, foster, seek fertility treatments, become super Aunts and Uncles or let nature decide? They probably have the most thought out and conscious path to parenthood in our society.  As a result, their choice must be honored and respected. 

  





   

To vaccinate or not vaccinate, that is the question.

The more I learn about vaccines, the
more I have been rethinking my position.  For my son we determined we wanted to do a
delayed schedule. Our pure, healthy, clean little baby... I just didn't want to
put anything "bad" in his body just yet. We waited until he was a few
months old to start vaccinating and now he is currently up to date on all
vaccines as a toddler. I wasn't sure how to navigate the exemption process and
I was nervous that we could have issues with the state if we didn't
vaccinate.  Since then, I have learned that the vaccine exemption for
philosophical purposes is very easy to complete and electing to not vaccinate for
philosophical purposes is much different than neglecting to follow-up on your
child’s wellness. I think that if we are ever blessed with a second child, I
will elect to only do very specific vaccines.

Here is why. Vaccines today in the US
have tons of additives.  It takes tons of
time and research to conclude all of the additives added to each manufactures
vaccine concoction.  However, this is a
copy and paste from the Center for Disease Control website of some of the “common”
additives:

“Common substances found in vaccines include:Aluminum gels or salts of aluminum which are added as adjuvants to
help the vaccine stimulate a better response. Adjuvants help promote an
earlier, more potent response, and more persistent immune response to the
vaccine.
Antibiotics which are added to some vaccines to prevent the growth of
germs (bacteria) during production and storage of the vaccine. No vaccine
produced in the United States contains penicillin.
Egg protein is found in influenza and yellow fever vaccines, which are
prepared using chicken eggs. Ordinarily, persons who are able to eat eggs or
egg products safely can receive these vaccines.
Formaldehyde is used to inactivate bacterial products for toxoid
vaccines, (these are vaccines that use an inactive bacterial toxin to produce
immunity.) It is also used to kill unwanted viruses and bacteria that might
contaminate the vaccine during production. Most formaldehyde is removed from
the vaccine before it is packaged.
Monosodium glutamate (MSG) and 2-phenoxy-ethanol which are used as
stabilizers in a few vaccines to help the vaccine remain unchanged when the
vaccine is exposed to heat, light, acidity, or humidity.
Thimerosal is a mercury-containing preservative that is added to vials
of vaccine that contain more than one dose to prevent contamination and growth
of potentially harmful bacteria. (SOURCE)”

Another adjuvant found in some specific
vaccines is peanut oil. Every wonder why in the past 50 years peanut allergies
have sky rocketed in the US specifically to the millions? It’s because some
vaccines use peanut oil as an adjuvant. This means when the immune system is
triggered to fight the introduction of the virus, it is also triggered to be
sensitive to peanuts.  Unfortunately, my
son has a life threatening allergy to peanuts now thanks to vaccines, but don’t
worry, he won’t get the chicken pox in kindergarten (insert eye roll here).
(SOURCE)

EpiPen: $300 to $630. Revenue rose to $2.69 billion in the first quarter of 2017 (SOURCE). 

“Vaccines cause immunity and hypersensitivity”
(SOURCE). So, the medical community has decided we will take the good with the
bad. This makes sense for life threatening or untreatable illness like say,
polio… but maybe not Hep B. The chance of your infant contracting Hep B is so incredibly
low and if he or she did, it is in fact treatable.  Also, let’s talk about the chicken pox. It is
not life threatening and in my opinion, it is kind of a rights of passage.  I of course would prefer that my child never
get sick, but being sick for 2-7 days in my opinion is a normal part of life
and development and preferable to living with a lifelong serious condition.

The sensitivity side effect of vaccines goes
even deeper. Anything introduced around the time of the vaccine (specifically
24 hours of injection), your child has a risk of forming sensitivity to. Some
children are more sensitive than others and some children have sensitivities
for longer periods than others and may even become allergies (like food
allergies).  Ever wonder why so many children
have a sensitivity to milk for 6 months and then “grow out of it.”  100 years ago babies had two choices, breast
milk (which had dairy in it from mother’s ingestion) or dairy directly. Now,
the number of children with dairy sensitivities is skyrocketing and that is
because on day of vaccine we feed our children dairy, and lots of it.

Introducing toxins into our body always has a
cost. If I as an adult told you I was going to eat aluminum, you would freak
out. Yet we think it is okay to shoot it into our baby’s blood stream. Yes, it
is a very small amount, but think…. It is introduced several different times
(2-3 shots every 2-3 months) during your child’s first two years on earth
and when they are at their most sensitive (due to the hypersensitivity caused
by vaccines). It has a long term lasting effect.  To quote the CDC again, aluminum has toxic
and tragic effects on the human brain and other organs (SOURCE). I mean, why
are we doing this?

Around the world, different countries view
vaccines differently. Many countries have made it illegal to use some of the
same additives as the US and thus have much lower rates of vaccine injury.  If I had the opportunity to do it over, I
would only vaccinate for life threatening, untreatable conditions and leave the
rest on the table.  

Activated Charcoal, My new favorite.

I feel like every few months, I get a new favorite natural remedy that I just obsess over.  It started with ACV (apple cider vinegar), then moved to passion flower, then coconut oil and so on.... I'm sure many of you can relate. My new obsession is activated charcoal. 

Regardless of your religious or spiritual views, we absolutely cannot deny the amazing gifts that our earth presents to us. We have the capability of healing and preventing nearly every element with clean living, but unfortunately with the way our modern international culture sustains itself, finding clean living or attempting clean living is increasingly more difficult. But back to my initial point, activated charcoal is certainly one of our earths natural gifts.

What is it? 

Activated charcoal is charcoal made from burned coconut shells, olive pits, bone char, peet, coal or sawdust. One of these ingredients is heated to a specific high temperature activating an important pore structure within the charcoal.

How it works.

Basically the pores of the charcoal act as a filter within your own body. Much like a water filter. Additionally, charcoal not only filters, it pulls and attracts toxins into its filter. "On a molecular level, the spinning electrons make activated charcoal highly electrical, putting out a negative ionic charge. The negative charge attracts positively charged substances such as toxins and poisons like a magnet (source). "

Our household has used it to whiten teeth and treat diarrhea, heartburn or constipation in both adults and toddlers. We also use it to purify both adult and babes blood and organs from toxins such as heavy metals.  The adults just take it in pill form, easy, but baby gets a dose in his milk mixed with honey. He loves it!  For topical uses, like teeth whitening or facial mask, go for it, but for ingestion, activated charcoal peaks its use at four weeks. So we do one month on and one month off to get its full benefits. 

You can go youtube binge crazy learning more on this goodie. So enjoy!  

Choosing the Right School

By Contributing Writer: Kim Wilhite of Oregon

We all want what is best for our children and choosing the right schooling is one of those things that will keep a mom up at night. When it came time for my oldest son to start kindergarten, I didn't know what to do or what was best for him. I looked into every option possible to make sure we were putting him in a school that met his needs, as well as our family's needs.

We felt it was very important to choose a school that was safe, had a low workload (little to no homework), a clean campus and small class sizes. Something else that weighed heavy on us was time. We wanted to be involved in our son's education and his daily life and didn't feel public school met that need for us. Sending him to kindergarten for 30 hours per week was daunting., I mean, this was the kid that got tired after playing for an hour at the park. I didn't want my little guy to be coming home exhausted and with 45 minutes of homework. I wanted to be able to play with him and teach him things.

So, the search began...

We looked at a private school, a Montessori school, a charter school and also considered homeschooling. We were pretty bummed when we toured the private school. The prices were high, while the campus was underwhelming.  The Montessori school seemed like a good fit for us because they offered the option to choose between three and five days per week attendance. We really liked the idea of being able to teach him for two days per week, while still being able to socialize him at school for the other three. Unfortunately, we were also disappointed when we toured the Montessori school. The campus was dirty and the classroom was complete chaos. Our son likes organization and learns better in a quiet and calm environment. The lack of structure at this school just wasn't a good fit. 

We were now left with the choice to home school or send him to a charter school. I wanted to home school over everything else, but I had this lingering feeling that he needed to be able to make friends and build a life outside of his parents and little brother (as hard as it would be to let him go). That is when I messaged a local mom group for advise on charter schools in the area. I also verbalized the idea that I was also considering homeschooling. 

I got a lot of recommendations! The one that stood out the most to me was a charter school that had a part time home school option. We went and checked it out and LOVED it! The in class days were Tuesdays and Thursdays, with the other days being left for the parent to home school. 

We decided to go all in and our son attended that school for two years. It was an amazing experience and we all learned a lot. The best thing for us was this school allowed us to be in control of our son's education. We had control of the homework load and what he learned/didn't learn. I would definitely recommend this option for parents who have time to home school, as you need at least 20 hours per week to teach and organize assignments. If you have more children, it obviously becomes more time consuming. 

Kaly Martin Photography