An inclusive answer to "how babies are made."

Every parent knows that at some point their child is going to ask them "where do babies come from?" and "how are babies made?" These questions are almost always uncomfortable for parents because it can also trigger a discussion about sex. It usually comes too soon and marks the milestone that your baby certainly isn't a baby anymore. He or she is demonstrating complex thought and is wanting to learn how the world works. However, this question can get even more complicated for parents who are not able to conceive naturally. Thankfully, in this day an age there are so many amazing fertility options available that allow parents to use surrogates, egg donation, sperm donation, insemination, in vitro fertilization, etc and this doesn't even include the other ways we can make families including domestic or international adoption and foster care.

Emylee McIntyre Photography

Many of you already know that our Little Bear has two moms and is the result of sperm donation and IUI treatments. Prior to starting treatment, our clinic required us to participate in a psychological assessment. Resentful at first, this appointment ended up being so informative. It basically included a discussion of how to answer these questions for your donor conceived child and what language to use with them while growing up. I thought this information was so great, why not share it with friends?

The basic principle includes:

To make a baby, it takes a part from a woman called an egg and a part from a man called the sperm. Sometimes families have their own egg and sperm to use and sometimes families have very special donors that give them their egg and/or their sperm. It takes a lot of love and effort to make a baby and sometimes families need a lot of help from the doctor. Then, the baby has to grow in a belly. This is sometimes the mommy's belly but it can also be the birth mom's belly or a surrogate's belly. Then when the baby is big, it is ready to come out and be with its new family. 

So essentially, sex is really separated from the discussion and reserved for another day. The idea is to keep to the truth of how babies are made, but make slight changes that make the description inclusive of all families. Parent's can also tailor this to fit their specific child's conception/birth story, or to fit a friend's story that your child has questions about. As they get older, more and more details can fill in as they continue to ask questions.

I just really thought to myself what a beautiful world it could be if all children were introduced to how babies were made in this inclusive way. It also really helps to normalize fertility issues, if your child happens to have them as an adult. This introduction to fertility could help alleviate some of the shame and guilt for them later on.

Surprisingly, our 2 1/2 year old son asked us "how are babies made" last week!?!?! I was not ready for this.... I thought I had several more years, but his eager observant little mind has noticed his friends have brothers and sisters and he does not. We shared this story with him and talked to him specifically about how he was conceived. He loves this story! He asks to hear it over and over again. So this is baby tested and approved.