5 Foods that Detox Heavy Metals

If you are anything like me, prevention is an important part of parenting.  I do vitamin C and zinc to prevent cold and flu, daily iron to prevent anemia, frequent socialization to prevent/reduce socialization anxiety, and the list goes on. Anything I can do to help my Little Bear have a solid start in life. So, as I continued to learn more about our every day exposure to toxic heavy metals and their sometimes irreversible effects, I started to explore possible prevention options.  Interestingly, I learned that heavy metal toxins can be purged from our body's very effectively thus eliminating any signs and symptoms of toxicity. It is only when heavy metals are left without monitoring, untreated, and allowed to build that the effects become tragic and irreversible. Great news right? I can monitor, I can treat, I can prevent build up.

Here are some of our regular go tos:

1. Cilantro - Cilantro naturally binds to metals and accelerates the excretion specifically of lead and aluminum. We hide cilantro in scrambled eggs with cheese or tacos. Also, while Cilantro does its job of binding effectively, it has to also exit before the metals has a chance to reabsorb into the body; therefore, increasing fiber or juice during cilantro meals helps to increase its effectiveness.

2. EPA, DHA and other fish oils - These are natural antivirals and great for protecting and nurturing a growing brain. Antivirals aid in detox. The difficulty however is that fish can be a major offender for exposing our bodies to metals. Instead, maybe look for a good multivitamin that has oils or really monitor the quality of the seafood you buy. 

3. Chlorella - Chlorella is a source of Chlorophyll, Protein, Iron, Magnesium, and amino acids, but it is primarily known as a detoxifying supplement.  It can be very powerful and in some cases can completely cure metal detox. However, it can very easily be overused. It is essentially a food (algae or seaweed). You can buy cereals that contain Chlorella but we use capsules. We mix a highly reduced dose in grape juice maybe 1-2x a month.   

4. Water - (filtered of course) Our water is another source of heavy metals, but filtered/purified water naturally flushes and purifies your body.

5. Garlic - Garlic is high in glutathione (detoxing qualities) and is an antiviral. We put garlic on everything and our Little Bear loves it. Also, the medical qualities of organic garlic cloves is much higher than say powdered seasoning. So this may be a motivation to take the extra step when cooking.  

https://draxe.com/7-proven-chlorella-benefits-side-effects/ 

These tips are meant as personal testimony and should not be taken in replacement of medical advise. If someone you love shows signs of metal toxicity, please seek professional attention to complete a supervised diagnosis and treatment (either holistic or medical). However, the above mentioned are purifying foods that we purposefully incorporate in our regular diet as our family's prevention plan. We hope it helps!   

Additional note: "Though generally considered safe, Chlorella comes with some cautions and warnings. It can contain moderate levels of iodine, so those with iodine sensitive thyroid conditions or iodine allergies should avoid it. Those with auto-immune disease should consult with a doctor first as it can increase immune function and may make these conditions worse." - https://wellnessmama.com/2719/chlorella-uses-benefits/ 

Toxic Metals in our Body

As parents we are taught the dangers of exposing our children to lead. Our Little Bears get lead tested at baby check ups, we are coached on ways to avoid exposure, and taught the long-term negative effects of exposure. However, we really aren't taught about how to cleanse our babies if they are exposed, as well as the risks associated with other metals in their little bodies. 



"Mercury, lead and cadmium are three metals that can be especially harmful and aluminum has also presented concerns. These toxic metals enter your body through drinking, eating, inhaling, and skin and eye contact" (Global Healing Center).  As humans in the modern world, we are exposed to these metals in everyday products such as potatoes, peanuts, deodorant, toothpaste, vaccines, medications, celery, soil, canned goods, fish, pesticides and more. Additionally, Little Bears' who have parents who work construction, mechanics, agriculture and other similar fields have increased risk of passing toxic metals to their children.



Toxic metals in your body can manifest a number of symptoms which include both physical and emotional effects. In fact, some integrative medical practitioners argue that some cases of ADHD are actually the result of metal toxicity.  Lead can effect IQ and Mercury can effect digestion. What's even more interesting, is that these symptoms can be reversed often with a good metal detox.  



My next post will include some tips and tricks for metal detox both as treatment and prevention.

  

The Magic of Elderberry Syrup (Recipe Included)

Contributing Writer: Jessica Edmundson of California

Hi there, my name is Jessica and I am a lucky mama to my almost three year old daughter, Isla. Isla was born in the cold heart of December and I knew early on I needed to incorporate immune boosting herbs and foods into both our diets. I began making elderberry syrup when she was 11 months old, November, 2015, which was a particularly cold and wet winter in our area. In addition to that, we have family in Humboldt County, California… ever heard of the Humboldt crud? You don’t want it! I diligently ensured her and I took a spoonful in the morning, and again at night and guess what? No sickness in my home all winter or spring! 

I still wasn’t sure if it had been luck that got us through, or if elderberry syrup was as magical as I’d heard. The following winter rolled around and I, again, started making the elderberry syrup until I missed a batch. It was January and we were incredibly busy and I just didn’t make the time to cook the syrup for three days. Three days. Isla got the flu in those three days. I knew then, it was a magic elixir and I would never skip a batch during cold and flu season again! After coming to the conclusion that it was magic, I had to know why. Why is this stuff so critical to fighting off sickness? I did my research and I tweaked my recipe with my new found information. I learned that the ingredients above work synergistically to build your immune system, helping you to fight off the germs you come in contact with daily! The best part is, my daughter loves the taste and asks for more syrup!

Elderberry Syrup Recipe - Makes one 16oz jar of syrup.

2/3 cup – dried Elderberries

1 ½ inch – ginger root, peeled and sliced

1 tsp – cinnamon powder

1 tsp – cloves

3 slices – lemon

3 ½ cups – water

½ cup – honey (If you find you prefer a sweeter taste, just add more honey!)

Add the dried elderberries, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, lemon and water to a medium to large pot, mix and bring to a boil. Once the mixture boils, reduce heat and let simmer 30-45 minutes, stirring frequently, until the mixture is reduced by about half. Remove from heat and use a flat surface to press the berries, this releases some extra goodness! Fine strain the mixture over a bowl, use a spoon or spatula to press all the liquid from the ingredients. Let the liquid cool until warm but not hot, stir in the honey until fully mixed then jar it up and keep it refrigerated. Depending on how many are taking the syrup and how much you use this will last 1-2 weeks. One 16oz jar lasts me and my daughter two weeks, each taking one tablespoon twice a day. 

Confession: Apologizing for Greatness

Last post, I discussed the responsibility of managing our lower qualities. One thing I do, that my mom does, and her mom does, is we hide and apologize for greatness. Its so automatic that until recently, I didn't even realize to what an extent I do this. Here is a clear example, if someone compliments me on my parenting, I quickly share a flaw that I have as a parent or divert all credit to my Little Bear. I don't just say "thank you," or engage in a conversation on the topic, I quickly divert and distract away from the praise.

I feel like I have to apologize for greatness. I work extremely hard. I'm constantly researching, working, living life at full speed, and I am proud of my accomplishments..... as long as no one notices. I keep many of my projects and passions secrets as not to draw attention. I graduated with high honors from undergrad and graduate school and the only person who shared this accomplishment was my partner. I didn't tell a sole (outside my resume).

In the past, I have justified and denied this behavior by wrongfully calling this humility, modesty, or shyness.  But really, its self deprecation. You give a compliment, I take it away with a bigger criticism.  I have a huge issue with this quality for two main reasons.

1) I want my Little Bear to be proud of his accomplishments and own them with genuine humility and modesty.


2) Out if habit, I now habitually apologize for my child's greatness.  (WHHAAAATTTTT!!!!!)

That second reasons hurts the most. I do, do that (deep sigh). For example, if someone compliments my son's advanced speech, I own it and say thank you. I'm proud. And then I quickly point out and refocus on that he is behind in his growth. Um.... What was that? Why!!!!

I've been working actively on socializing my Little Bear since birth. I'm the main care provider and largely stay at home, so I understand that without daycare, I have to purposefully create experiences for him. We have actively worked on playing, sharing, and interacting. The other day my Little Bear demonstrated that he is really grasping these skills at a recent play session. He made sure everyone in the room had a toy if they were too shy to get one on their own. And he is not even 2! What a sweetheart! The other parent's in the room were in such aw and asked how I worked with him on sharing. My response..... "I don't think he knew he was sharing. I think he just likes helping."  

For one, that doesn't even make sense, for two, I am undermining his generosity by reassigning his motivations as self serving, and three, "Ugh!" I immediately regretted saying it. Why would I steal his thunder? Why wouldn't I just share how we have been working on socialization? You know why? I was embarrassed.  Standing out and being successful embarrasses me, even though I work so hard to be successfully d want my son to grow up proud of his successes. 

This for me is by far the hardest blog entry to write and the one that feels the most personal. I am committing today, I will no longer apologize for my child's greatness. It doesn't mean other kids or people aren't great too. It just means he happens to be great also.  I also need to apply this lesson to myself. Or my son with learn this blueprint for accepting praise, just like I did.    

Being Stronger.

The most intense part of being a mother for me is understanding that my child models himself after me. Its an immeasurable realization that while my little bear was born his own person, he utterly looks up to me (well... at least for now...) and will model his behaviors after mine. How I manage fear, he will learn. How I manage stress, he will learn.  As he becomes older, he may be able to cognitively process and establish different coping skills from mine, but the blueprint for these reactions come from those he is closest.

My mother pushed herself. She was immensely motivated to raise a strong woman. She recognized early on that there were certain aspects of her character and coping that made her life more difficult. She purposefully targeted all efforts to teaching me differently. She largely succeeded. I am a strong, independent and brave person. What's crazy though is on a cognitive level, I am able to do what was taught. However, when I slide into a lower level of consciousness, "autopilot," her behavioral blueprint is a part of my make up too.  I've repeated many of her same mistakes.  This is not a criticism of my mother, but an example to me of the powerful influence our parents have over our lives.

"Its not always enough to teach our kids how to be stronger, we also have to genuinely make ourselves stronger."  

• If we want our daughters to have good body image, we have to  model good body image. 
• If we want out sons to be emphatic, sensitive and strong, we have to model empathy, sensitivity and strength.
• If we don't want to raise codependent children, we cant be codependent adults. 
• If we don't want to raise a child with low self esteem, we cant model an all encompassing low self-esteem.  

Depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc, are all cyclical issues that are passed down from generation to generation. Other factors like biology, war-time trauma, extreme poverty, etc can of course change the course of a functional family, but largely we pass these lessons on to our children.

We will never be perfect. We are all flawed humans who are striving to be better. I will make mistakes with my son and I will unfortunately pass down some of my lower qualities. But I promise, I will dedicate every second of my life to being the best version of myself, to live consciously, so I can pass the best of my intentions.  The weight and pressure is real.

Photo by: Jessica Saurez Photography
http://www.jessica-suarez-photography.com/

   

What is Having it All? Career and Motherhood.

Contributed by Writer: Ashly McVea-Figueroa

Creater of: Alice & Eddy Party

Blogger at: www.aliceonsunday.com

Photo by: Iridescent Photography

I have always been a very career focused person. Then I
became a mom and became a very motherhood focused person. And that’s ok. I
juggled both for about 4 years in the sports + entertainment industry and it
was killer. The thing about that particular industry is it never sleeps.
Unfortunately, neither does an infant…or a toddler and a newborn in the same
house, or two toddlers in the same room.

Things started falling through the cracks in my life. I was
missing soccer practices and mommy & me dances and good night kisses.
Meanwhile, I was promoted 3 times in a 3-year span. And that was what all my
hard work was for, right? But, in all that success, it felt really empty.
Seriously, empty.

So I quit! And don’t get me wrong; Mama Bears can have it
all. Women do it every-freaking-day. Women work full time jobs while pumping in
their cubicles, talking on the phone and setting up play dates. I see it all
time. I was living that life. But I wanted more out of motherhood. I made the
choice to give up career so that I could sacrifice ZERO in motherhood.

The thing is, I don’t feel less successful—I started a small
business (Alice & Eddy Party) that has made less than $1000 in the first
month of business, I’m cash poor (for now) and that is ok….kinda. It’s a process.

In the same vein, I didn’t turn into super mom. I still let
me kids watch way “too much” tv. I still make grilled cheese instead of
preparing a 3 course meal…you get the picture.

The point it, I am happy. My kids see and feel my presence
all the time. I am loved so fully and now I have the time & the energy to
show them that same level of “I can’t live without you” kind of love that they
have always shown me.

I am a stay-at-home Mama Bear with a master’s degree and
experience in an industry that some people never break into. How crazy is that?
But it is my reality and I’m standing in it…happily.

Raising a Bilingual and Bicultural Little Bear

Contributing Writer: Sofia Lopez-Ibañez of Texas

Life takes you to different places and makes you perform different roles than you expected...  Being a bilingual and bicultural parent was never in my mind when I pictured myself as a mother; but, here I am with my partner raising a bilingual, bicultural little bear. Born and raised in Mexico, we came to the U.S. as teenagers. We continue to live in Texas and we have acculturated to the point where we feel comfortable raising our child with the “best of both worlds.” 

There are several reasons why we have decided to raise a bilingual, bicultural little bear. The two main reasons are:

1. My husband and I are very proud of our roots, origin and heritage and at the same time we are proud to have the opportunity to become Americans.  We can't deprive our son from experiencing what we lived and develop a strong sense of pride for, being Mexican by heritage and American by origin.

2. By being bilingual and bicultural, we want to plant a seed of interest in other cultures and languages so our little bear can be open to learning and knowing those cultures and languages around him.

In order to successfully raise a bilingual and bicultural child, we have committed to passing on our traditions, beliefs, and language.  We also have committed to introducing American traditions, beliefs, and language as much and with the same emphasis. This will help our little bear to feel confident speaking two languages and being a part of two cultures. Our little bear is almost two years old.  We speak Spanish at home and expose him to English through family members, social activities, play dates, literacy, games and T.V.  We celebrate Día De Los Muertos and watch the fireworks on the Fourth of July after eating ribs, corn, and mashed potatoes.  We have vacationed in Chicago and Puerto Vallarta.

We are exposing our little bear to the beauty of both countries and languages as much as possible. We feel really proud when we see his excitement at a baseball game or after eating a “churro.”  We take these as signs that we are succeeding at making him comfortable with both experiences.  For us, it's all about balance. I am proud that my little bear says “gracias” as well as asks for his “ball.” Mixing words it's totally normal at this stage, until he learns "code-switching" and is able to switch languages depending on the kind of situation, either bilingual or monolingual. At this point, my little bear responds the same way to instructions whether it’s Spanish or English, without any expression of confusion. These are all signs he is receiving a balanced exposure to both languages.

Our family is lucky to be in a community so close to Mexico with a significant Hispanic influence. This helps to increase exposure of our Mexican heritage, while at the same time having family and friends who are American and can help introduce the American culture as well.

Dia de Los Muertos, 2016

I'm not Against my Child Getting Hurt

By: Tedi McVea 

From the start, I have not been against my child getting hurt. I have allowed our Little Bear to attempt skills I knew he wasn't quit ready for, understanding full well that it will earn him a few bumps and bruises along the way. While, this may not be the traditional "first-time mom" way, it has been our way.

I believe getting hurt is a legitimate learning experience. I don't want to rob my child of learning the natural consequences of his actions by creating a bubble (pain free environment).  I want him to learn when he can crawl that falling hurts, so when he can climb, he is more cautious about falling. I want him to know that running downhill may result in a fall, before he can ride a bike down a hill and risk a more painful fall. I want him to solidify these lessons at age appropriate stages, so he can feel confident in his assessment of risk and manage it appropriately.  This also means not running to him when he gets hurt and instead pausing a bit or walking to him. This time allows him to fully experience the cause and effect of his actions.... this little bit is often the hardest part for me and means fighting every mommy urge I have to run and coddle.

With that being said, I am completely for preventing injury. I mean lets face it... baby logic is sometimes not the most logical. It is still developing and help and guidance is certainly needed along the way. I define getting hurt as a temporary bump or bruise, which effects' can fade away in a matter of days or as quick as minutes. I am however, ultra protective against  injuries that can be longer lasting and more serious.

This philosophy for parenting is sometimes I think misunderstood. I have certainly gotten "glances" from other parents. There are even times with my own partner that I have to say, "No. It's okay. Let him jump from his chair." As I follow up with an explanation that there isn't the potential for injury. He will either land it and be proud or fall and get hurt be more cautious next attempt. I've noticed that she is now really warming up to this philosophy and sees the noticeable benefits.

Our Little Bear from the start has been ahead on his gross motor development and feels very confident trying new things. He was one of the first of his friends to walk, go solo down a slide, navigate down steps, or hang from the monkey bars. I think sometimes we don't realize how our anxiety's as parents, translate to our baby's experiencing anxiety trying new things. While every Mom has their own philosophy and every baby has their own development range and needs, this one has worked wonders for us! It also translates pretty seamlessly into Free Range Parenting, a granola mom staple.

So remember, getting hurt is okay. Its getting injured that we can work together to prevent.

Diastasis Recti - What to do.

At 19 months postpartum, I was certainly back to pre baby weight and size, but I still had "the gap." At this point it had healed some, but I was still experiencing many of those previously mentioned symptoms. Thankfully, my first appoint at physical therapy was so empowering and enlightening. Not only were there things I could do to help heal my gap, but there were also steps I could make to prevent it from possibly occurring or at the least being as severe during my next pregnancy.  For example, the doctor recommended wearing a support band during pregnancy from about 5 months forward (if not regularly, at minimum during activity). She explained that a support band helps keep the abdominal muscles trained in place instead of allowing them to shift to the side.

The doctor also advised that women who breastfeed experience healing much later than women who don't breast feed. While nursing helps the uterus to shrink and burns additional calories for mommy, it also continues to encourage the production of muscles and tendon relaxing hormones. These hormones don't make your Diastasis Recti worse, but certainly delay the natural healing process until after baby has been weaned.

During our first session I was provided a treatment plan, which has been built on each week. While this treatment plan was recommended specifically for me and should not replace an actual personalized treatment plan, I felt sharing some of the exercises may be a helpful examples of what healing exercises could look like.

The last recommendation the doctor made is my personal eye roll worthy activity... She so ever fervently advised the regular practice of kegel exercises; regular as in every stop light while driving and after every potty break. Ugh... Not my favorite for sure and certainly skipped more than I care to admit.  She of course shared a handful of other exercises, strategies and details, but in honor of keeping these short, I call this the end. Maybe other Mom's can share theirs. Hope this helps!  

Diastasis Recti... Say what?

Sooooooooooo.... I spent so much time preparing for baby that I completely ignored/overlooked issues that affected just me.  I remember I first learned about diastasis recti (abdominal splitting) at my 2 weeks post delivery check up with my midwife. She put her fingers on the middle line of my belly pushed down and said, "the gap is 3 fingers."   "Um, what gap?"

Diastasis recti is essentially when your abdominal muscles divide and move to the side in order to accommodate your ever growing baby bump. It effects 30% of all pregnancies and your chances of developing it increases when you yourself are small, deliver a high birth weight baby, have had multiple pregnancies, or are over the age of 35.

   So my earlier question, "What gap?" fled my thought process just as quickly as it had fallen into my lap until about 6 months post partum the question returned.  I had all of these other symptoms that weren't going away.

Here are some sample symptoms:

- pregnant belly look (even if you were back to or lower than pre-baby weight)

- belly bulge when cough or laugh

- urine leakage

- muscle weakness

- hernia or risk of hernia

- lower back pain

- pain during intercourse

- constipation

I had a good handful of these and my three finger gap had only reduced to a two finger gap. This of course sparked my traditional research binge routine, but this time, it ended with just more frustration. Everything I seemed to find contradicted each other. One personal trainer said, "do planks." Another would say, "planks make it worse." So, in fear I would make it worse, I scheduled an appointment to see my main care physician.  She advised me that it could take up to 12 months to heal and recommended kegels (sigh) and no abdominal workout until the gap naturally reduced.

...and there I sat until I returned to the doctor at 19 months post-partum with a 2 finger gap and demanded a referral to a physical therapist. This sitting and waiting was not fulfilling.....

Natural Birth

By: Tedi McVea

Photos from our final appointment with our Midwives at Birth Center Stone Oak. 

I knew from the start, I wanted to have a natural birth with a midwife. I had toured a birthing center and paid our deposit just weeks after our positive pregnancy test. I was ready. I knew childbirth would be painful, but my logic was the majority of women in the world deliver babies at home either unassisted or with midwifes. In fact, the US is a minority for choosing to treat childbirth as a medical condition.

I repeated the mantra, “if the majority of women in the world could do it, so could I.....” and I did.  It was beautiful! I will choose a natural birth with a midwife again. The labor and delivery of my little bear, while painful, was my favorite part of pregnancy. Something about it made me so proud. I became utterly aware of the amazing lengths my body could go and what it could achieve.

Interestingly, when I shared my delivery plan with family and friends literally everyone tried to talk me out of it. They discussed how painful birth was, how scary birth can be, how unprepared a midwife was for a medical emergencies and so on.... While all of these concerns were shared with love, no one was asking questions about why I chose this option. I was easily able to dispel many of their concerns, for example:


- Our midwife coordinates with a medical doctor via phone throughout my labor as needed


- The midwife has access to oxygen and IV fluids


- If needed, my midwife would accompany me to emergency delivery (hospital) and assist as needed


- Pregnancy complications may warrant me being required by the midwife to deliver in hospital

and so on.....

But, this same level of scrutiny is not given to hospitals. I guess as a culture, we just assume they are thinking of the birth mom and baby first. Well, here is my truth bomb. Hospitals are expensive businesses to run. Lets say that again, they are a business with lots of overhead: doctors, nurses, equipment, facilities, etc. The quicker they move moms through labor and delivery, the quicker they can fill those beds with a new mommies. They also operate from a position of reducing liability. In a time where litigation is a real issue, hospitals have policies in place to reduce their risk of liability as oppose to individualizing the birthing process to mommy and baby. This manifests itself by using prescriptions to attempt to speed up labor, transitioning to cesarean before trying other alternatives, and forgoing natural treatments such as vaginal massage, oils and lubricants to prevent tearing.

I wanted an individualized birthing process. I didn’t want a plan. My plan was to follow what my body needed and my body needed 25 hours to labor, back pressure, arnica oil, vaginal massage before the last big push, a big bath tub for labor, and lots of eating/drinking throughout.

Every woman has a right to design and choose her own birth plan. A hospital may be part of your plan, an epidural may be part of your plan, Pitocin may be desired to speed up your labor.... My goal in sharing my plan and experience is to remind people that it is not a foreign, crazy, or dangerous choice to deliver at home, in a birth center, or with a midwife. In fact, it is the natural way our bodies were designed to birth babies. My wish is that women are making the choice that best fits them and not choices based on fear, societal pressure or the business plan or defensiveness of a hospital.

Tricky People and Safety Planning

Contributing Writer: Devin Rojas of New Jersey

Children don’t benefit if they’re taught to be afraid of the world. The point of teaching tricky people over stranger dangers is to teach children to read situations and people and know how to act accordingly.  Child are still left at risk if we limit our lesson to stranger danger and limit our safety planning to "running away" or "not talking to strangers." Those solutions just don't get to the heart of the highest risk.

Approaching safety conversations from a tricky people perspective:

• Helps a child understand the red flags of a dangerous person

• Gives them a chance to ask questions and practice scenarios

• Opens a dialogue with the parent’s about the nature of the child's relationships. 

These ongoing conversations will give a child the tools they will need to keep safe if they ever encounter a sex offender.

Part of teaching tricky people is also deciding what will be done once a tricky person has been identified. Teaching children to develop a safety plan is such an important part of life. They already learn this skill when they’re mapping out fire exists in first grade, so now we just translate that to interpersonal safety. 

1) Is this a tricky person who’s contact I can control as a parent? Such as a neighbor or friend’s parent? Then I can just move play dates to my house. 

2) Is this a tricky person who’s contact I can’t control, such as a teacher or coach? Then maybe I need to increase my presence as the school, and have my kids put the buddy system in place. 

A lot of what we look for in tricky people may not be "reportable," but we can still safety plan though.  

Tricky people reinforces your child listening to their gut instincts regarding a person or relationship. Children can talk to their friends about that person and make a pact to never be alone with that tricky person. They can look out for each other and make sure other children aren’t being pulled in. With the most important piece being that an adult is aware that this tricky person makes a child feel uncomfortable. 

Photo by: http://www.jessfielderphotography.com/

Stranger Danger vs. Tricky People

Contributing Writer: Devin Rojas of New Jersey

I’ve never liked the lesson “stranger danger”. We’re a military family, we’ve moved to new locations several times, people move in and out of the street faster than I can switch a load of laundry. Police and child protection investigators are people I teach my kids to trust. Nice moms at Target when you’re lost, waiters, the mailman, Santa Claus... all these people are strangers. Do I go through the world telling my kids that they’re dangerous by nature of being strangers when research shows that children are far more likely to be harmed by someone they know and trusts? I strongly believe in using facts and evidence to guide my parenting in addition to instinct. The facts are that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men report being sexually abused before they were 18 years old, and that 73% of them didn’t report it for a year and 45% for five years. Those numbers alone tell me that there is a reasonably high likelihood of one of my children encountering this, and that I may not know about it.

If we know this then why are we still teaching stranger danger? I have already had many “talks” with my children. I started the moment they could talk with “good touch, bad touch”. I believe it’s never too early to teach children. They are now 9, 6, and 2 and we still have these conversations regularly. A few years ago friend shared an article about tricky people which really gave me the language to help my then 6-year old know what to look for. So, what are tricky people?

Tricky people are people who:

·  Seem far too old to be interested in your kid.
·  Tell your kid to keep secrets
·  Make your kid feel guilty, who encourage your kid to do things they don’t want to do. 
·  Don’t listen to your child/s boundaries. 
·  Try to get your kid alone. 
·  Encourage kids to break family or household rules, they may ask kids to hide things from their parents.

A tricky person can be the nice mom next door who sneaks extra candy to the kids after the parents have asked her not to, then tells kids its their little secret.  A tricky person may be the soccer coach who asks your son to stay late to help with a project, but that he must keep the project a secret. A tricky person may be the grandparent who continues to have tickle fights with a child, despite the child having told the grandparent multiple times that it bothers them.

Photo by: http://www.jessfielderphotography.com/

I'm not Superwoman, Pass Me Any Dose of Energy Please.

I have mentioned this before in other entries, but our Baby Bear was the result of fertility treatments. There were a lot of rules our doctor recommended, one of which was quitting caffeine. When you are paying thousands of dollars to get pregnant, its a big motivator to follow any rules that can increase your chances of a successful pregnancy. Quitting alcohol, no brainer. Reducing soy, no biggy. No raw lunch meat, not an issue for this vegetarian. Quitting caffeine, um...... say what? GULP.

Okay, so the first weekssssssssssssssss were hard. I swear I had cravings and withdraws for nearly a month. The beauty of the timing was that I was also very morning sick, so I couldn't caffeinate even if I wanted to. At that time if it wasn't a berry or ginger ale, I didn't want to eat it anyway.

Through my pregnancy, once I climbed out of those horrible withdraws, I found that being caffeine free actually increased my energy level. I was less anxious, didn't crash mid day, and in general got more energy from food then before. Post baby, I nursed so the motivation to stay caffeine free continued. I craved certain sodas or drinks on occasion but was able to resist the urge. I plan on having another baby and hate the idea of going through withdraws again....

But as we all know, being a Mom is exhausting. No sleeping through the night, unpredictable hours, minimal down or self time, still a household, career and social life to attempt to maintain.... There is only so much a person can literally do. This is where the temptation to drink caffeine again certainly comes in.

I'm not superwoman, pass me any dose of energy please. 

These bad boys are AAAAAAAAMAZING!



The Solaray, Two-Stage, Time-Release Mega B-Stress vitamins are this Mom-ease secret weapon. The go for about $15.00 on Amazon but here is the secret, its the "two-stage, time-release" that makes these amazing.  There may be other brands that offer this, but these vegetarian capsules were in my budget. I take three at lunch and within ten minutes I have new energy that lasts me until bedtime. The energy is wonderful because it does not come with anxiety like caffeine and feels more like a second wind.

Postpartum Recovery- Why is this such a secret?

The absolute hardest part of my pregnancy and birth was the postpartum recovery. This is true for most first time moms, yet no one ever talks about it. And why? I certainly could have used the heads up... There is so much build up to the birth and "how horrible and painful" it is, that no one seems to think it is important to mention what recovery looks like for vaginal births.  This entry will be my attempt to break that secret wide open and prepare some new mommies.

So, here are 10 of the ugly truths.

1) Bleeding (lochia) - There will be bleeding and lots of it. Not just a "period flow," but a "you just pushed a tiny human out of your uterus flow."  After a few days, the bleeding tapers off significantly, but most women bleed for 2-6 weeks.

2) Diapers - You will need diapers and not just for that adorable Little Bear, but for you! Not liners, not pads, but diapers. I was in diapers for about a week and then I was able to taper down to pads.

3) Soreness - You will be sore. I was sore for about 4-6 weeks post baby. The first few days hurt to sit,  but you gradually get less and less sore as days pass. This is one of the reasons first-time Mom's delay sex for about 1-2 months post baby (some longer), because they are still tender.

4) Stool Softeners - Yes, that tenderness means pushing for #2 can feel very scary! Once you get one poop down, you will be golden for the rest, but that first one can be scary. Stool softeners help.  They are your training wheels for pooping again.

5) No Toilet Paper - Many midwifes and doctors recommend not using toilet paper or wipes for the first few weeks to help prevent additional tearing or infection. Many women use a rinse bottle to clean themselves after bathroom breaks.

6) Baby Blues - I feel like there has been an increase in awareness of postpartum depression, but it has come at a cost. Women are forgetting about "baby blues." All women get baby blues and it is different from postpartum depression. Baby blues is a term used to describe the depression, anxiety and just general moodiness that comes from the quick shift in hormones, lack of sleep and physical recovery of delivery. Postpartum depression is defined by an attachment issue with baby and not exclusively for feeling depression symptoms.

7) Abdominis Rectus (Split abs) - This condition is super common. Sometimes a mom's abs get pushed to the side to make room for baby to grow, and then post delivery she will be tender and sore from not having those muscles in their original place. Many moms find using a postpartum belly wrap or binder helpful as an external support, while those internal muscles find their way back. The binder wont be "needed" after 1-2 weeks, but having one will certainly help you walk around those first few days.

8) Breastfeeding - Nursing can be complicated in the beginning. How could something so natural be so difficult for so many woman? I won't dive into this one too much because honestly it needs its own entry, but it is normal to have a few days of painful, bleeding nipples. So don't freak out or give up. Its very temporary.

9) Bladder Weakness - Your bladder will never be the same and ya, you may pee on yourself more. Some Moms are able to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles pretty quickly and resolve this issue in a few months, but others deal with a longer period of "oops" urine leakage.

10) Driving - Women are recommended to not drive for about six weeks after delivery of their first child. This isn't always possible logistically for some families, but the muscles used to drive are significantly weaker and can effect your ability to respond quickly.

Overall, this entry was not meant to scare you. Trust me, you will be in heaven the moment you stare into those little eyes and hold those baby fingers. You wont be thinking as much about yourself or your pain.  Additionally, you will have tons of awesome hormones and such helping your amazing body (that just grew that perfect baby) do just as amazing of a job recovering.

Two Week Wait

Every woman has had the dreadful experience of the "two week wait." Two week wait refers to the time between your ovulation and your scheduled menstruation.  For those eagerly awaiting a pregnancy or nail biting over the outcome of an"oopsie," those two weeks can feel like they drag on foreeeeeeeeeeeevvveeerrrrr. If you're anything like me, those two weeks are full of magnified self examination of both physical and emotional symptoms. I would search for the tiniest clue to see if Aunt Flow was truly on her way or if the first little signs of our very own Baby Bear were peeking through.

Here is the thing.... While, it may seem impossible, putting it out of your mind is the best thing you can do. Very, very early pregnancy symptoms and menstruation symptoms are exactly the same. No women's PMS is the same every month and no women's early pregnancy symptoms are the same every pregnancy.  They are both your body's response to a surge of very similar female hormones. There are tons of articles detailing the "Very Early Signs of Pregnancy." They include: Bloating, Cramps, Discharge, blah, blah, blah... Get me drift? Hello! You just described PMS. And those early pregnancy tests... Sheesh! Even if you get a negative result, you're not going to believe it until your period arrives. So why waste the money and heartache?

My family relied on fertility treatments to get our Little Bear here and in our arms.  Fertility treatments certainly take the fun out of "making a baby." They are very scheduled, regimented, sometimes painful, and expensive.  We made 10 attempts before getting our positive test and let me tell you, it was the time I "stopped caring" and quit self examining that I had a successful try. I literally said to myself, "I can't keep planning my life around this." I am someone who springs into action right away, so I made a major job change, enjoyed caffeine again, and bought new clothes (in my current size) all while completely ignoring my body.

I swear to you.... it was after those two weeks I found out I was pregnant. And, ironically I knew I was pregnant because I had a complete absence of any symptoms.

My point of this entry is more for the Mama Bears. You are not alone. That two week wait is crazy for any woman and something we rarely ever talk about.  It takes time to make perfect, don't give up and don't drive yourself crazy with micromanaging your own body.

The Drag Queen Who Said "Thank You"

July 1st, 2017 was San Antonio's Pride Parade.  San Antonio is a liberal city, but we are also a Texan city, and a city snuggled up to the Mexican border. This creates a great mix of culture and tradition and a wide variance in political/social views. Our city's Pride has grown over the past few years and has gone from being a small blip on the heteros' radar to a sought after, family-friendly event.

Our Little Bear is 19 months old and this year marked his second San Antonio Pride Parade. This year was much more exciting for him. He not only could hold up his own head, he could wave a rainbow flag (vigorously); surely annoying those sitting next to us and titillating all who walked by.  Little Bear was having a blast! He saw lots of "bikes," cool floats, bright lights, enjoyed loud music, and just soaked in an overall atmosphere of celebration and acceptance.

As one float passed by a Drag Mother (a senior Drag Queen) pointed at my son. She mouthed "thank you." Put her hands to her heart and gave and angelic and sincere grin.

Every mom is familiar with the almost expected compliments for their child's "gorgeousness and brilliance," but a sincere "thank you" gave me pause.... I looked around and realized what this view must look like from that float. A Queen from the Harvey Milk generation was looking down at a community of gay and straight families alike.  My son, our next generation, was being raised with the idea that being LGBTQ was not only okay, but worth celebrating. During the Trump Era, this exchange was worth noting.

We may not always feel like we have control over our political environment, but we certainly have an immeasurable ability to introduce a better world to our next generation. A generation where love and acceptance is the norm. This thought, this moment, that thank you, was a powerful one.      

Skinny Baby can be Healthy Baby too.

My man was forced to be sedentary in utero (lol, just not enough room to party), so he was born in the 70% for weight. The moment he was born he held up his head and turned it to meet his family. He rolled over at two weeks and was one of those rare babies who loved tummy time. Everything physical was/is exciting and fun. 

Little Bear has a fantastic appetite. Nursing was a breeze from day one and my supply came quickly and easily. We nursed his first year and he introduced food to himself at 4.5 months. We were sitting by a fruit bowl and he pulled out a banana and ate each delicious bite like he had discovered the forbidden fruit. 

Little Bear still loves meal times; yet, for the last 15 months we have struggled to stay on the birth chart. This of course brings on all kinds of anxieties for a new mom. Ironically, Little Bear always looked the same size as other babies in his play groups. Come to find out, many of his friends were also struggling to stay on the chart. Little Bear has also always worn his age appropriate size. He wore 3-6 month clothing when he was 3-6 months old, and so on, yet parents seem to norm being a size bigger than your little ones age....

In a world where chubby baby = healthy baby, skinny babies can make a new mom nervous. In our 17 months, here is what I have learned:

- Some babies are skinny and that's healthy for them. As long as there is a steady growth and nutrition levels are normal (i.e. Iron, etc) it is likely that baby is healthy. 

- There is a nursing vs formula growth chart and the nursing chart shows slightly slower weight gains than the formula chart. 

- The growth chart has been revised several times to include new weight and data statistics, however, we are also in the era where childhood obesity is on the rise and indicators and nutrition habits can start as early as infancy. 

- Skinny babies should always work towards weight gain, but not stress over it. The weight gain goal is not because he or she is too small, but to create a weight cushion if he or she ever gets sick which will result in additional weight loss. 

- Skinny baby does not mean tiny adult. The only trend proven is that skinny baby tends to mean healthy adult. 

- Not all babies experience their major growth spurts at the same time as other babies. Some are late bloomers and as a result will fall behind on the chart only to catch up in toddler or school age years.

Chubby babies are adorable! Who doesn't love a rolly, juicy, baby thigh.... but a Skinny baby is also adorable. The active, mini toddler-like build, is just as lovable. 

Cloth Diapers for First Timers

I'm an economically minded human. I have never been seduced by designer brands. I believe its basically a scam making me pay extra for someone else to tell me what's cool. I prefer to treasure hunt, problem solve and create.  So, naturally my approach to motherhood would hold true to those principles.  I knew from the beginning that cloth diapers were going to be part of my parenting plan. It would save money, be better for the environment, and the designs were so cute. The shopping was the easy part, but figuring out a system once my Little Bear was here took a little more support. Here are 7 tips that helped me through the process.
 1) Wait on the umbilical cord. Our midwife suggested we use disposables until the umbilical cord fell off. She shared that many of the moms that insisted on cloth diapers from the beginning had higher rates of infection.
 2) One size fits all, does not fit all. Honestly, the adjustable diapers are amazing and you certainly get your moneys worth, but they don't really button down to a newborn size. This worked great for us considering our midwife's feedback regarding the umbilical cord anyway. We decided to do newborn disposables until our baby's but grew into a size 1 diaper. Then we adjusted the snaps as he grew. 
 3) There is no line! When do I change it? So yes, many disposables have this great line that turns color when it times to change your Little Bears diaper and guess what, the cloth diapers do not. Instead, start by changing at least the liner every 2 hours until you learn your babies pattern.
 4) How do you rinse the byproduct? So, now you have a dirty diaper..... and I mean #2 dirty! First, dump the solid into the toilet and flush. Then place the diaper face down in the clean toilet water and flush again. As more new water enters the bowl shake and move the diaper in the flow to give it a good rinse. If this isn't a good fit for you, there are hoses you can attach to your toilet for about $20.00 or you can drop the solid in the toilet and use the bath tub water to rinse the diaper.
 5) If I choose cloth, do I have to only do cloth to get my moneys worth? Some moms are hardcore and do 100% cloth all of the time. I am not that mama. When I am home, we are 100% cloth, but when I am out and about, we use disposables. Also, as my Little Bears bladder grew, we ended up transitioning to disposables during the night as well. A disposable can hold a full night of pee and a cloth most likely will require a minimum of one changing. You will find what path works best for you.  Price wise, its still worth it. Here is why, 1) Most of our cloth diapers were purchased from our registry (the gift that keeps on giving!), 2) Your cloth diapers can last through more than one kid, 3) If you do my version of cloth and disposables, you are still using way more cloth and make your disposable pack last a lot longer.  
 6) How do I wash them? This is really up to you and your philosophies. Some moms do an all natural soap with a rinse cycle on cold and then a wash cycle on hot.  I did this for a while, until I was over the whole "new-mom-no-chemicals-near-my-baby" phase. Now, I simply throw them in the washer with laundry soap and wash them on our longest cycle on hot. Every few weeks, I do a bleach load on the liners to give them an extra cleanse.
 7) Extra perk! You wont need swim diapers.... EVER! Cloth diapers are perfect for the pool, river, where ever you and your little one swim. You will never need to buy swim diapers. Overall, there are so many different brands and types of cloth diapers. All-in-Ones vs pockets, snaps vs. velcro, etc.  The good news is you don't have to commit to just one method. Buy a variety. There is no harm in having options. We started our collection off with about 12 diapers and 30 liners (most diapers come with 2 liners). This bunch lasts us about 2-3 days depending on my Little Bear's age. You will find what works best for you over time. Happy diapering!

Little Bear with his Bestie. Photo by: Tedeye Photography

10 Tips for Weaning

Congratulations on successfully nursing your Little Bear, whether you made it 3 months or 3 years, the weaning process can be confusing and full of emotion.  These 10 mommy tested tips should help make the process a little easier, regardless if your Little Bear or you are taking the lead. 1) Begin eliminating the easiest feedings first and leave the most crucial for last. If baby is self weaning, the same recommendation applies and includes not offering the boob for unsolicited feeding sessions. 2) Plan to eliminate one feeding every 2-4 days with the goal of officially weaning in approximately 4-6 weeks. 3) Once a feeding has been removed from your daily routine, do not introduce it back. 4) Work to increase other soothing techniques, patting, singing, rocking, etc. 5) Ask for help. Your Little Bear may need some positive distraction from Mommy's boob. This is a great time for another caregiver to try laying baby down for naps or soothing through an injury. 6) The daytime nap can be a hard feeding to wean but using a car or swing to tire baby out is a super handy trick. After a few days, your Little Bear wont ask anymore for that feeding. 7) When engorged, self express or pump just enough to take the pressure off. You don't want to empty your breast because that will encourage continued production. 8) A warm cloth or bath will help with sore breasts. Massage out clogged or full ducts. Ibrophen may also be helpful. 9) As your supply reduces, Mommy's hormones will change and for many this can cause another round of "baby blues." Just be mindful and practice self care. 10) There are natural supplements that can help decrease your supply, for example parsley, peppermint, sage, etc. Also, certain over the counter medications like Benadryl can also decrease your supply. This wont be necessary for most, but if you are weaning over a shorter period of time (less than 4-6 weeks), you may need some extra help. Good luck on your weaning process and welcome to this next phase of Mommy-hood!

Photo by Mary Larsen Silvermoon Photography San Antonio

Weaning, The Emotional Journey

July 2016
Silver Moon Photography
Photographer: Mary Larsen
http://www.silvermoonphotography.com/

Nursing my Little Bear has so far been the most rewarding, simplifying and exhausting part of parenting.  The bond is like no other.  The increased Oxycontin, delayed menstruation, and effortless calorie burning are some of the more selfish perks. The boob solved everything for us! Hungry, sleepy, bored, thirsty, hurt, scared, sick, even flying.... here, magical boob will fix it.  But man, can it be exhausting. The cluster feedings, growth spurts, biting episodes, and just endless drain of energy and nutrients sometimes left me feeling like a shell of myself.

At 12 months, we were ready to begin the weaning process. I could have easily nursed longer, but Little Bear preferred nursing over all other foods and he was needing to gain some weight. Magical boob fixed everything for us, except weight gain. I apparently had a low fat milk supply and meal times (real food) were becoming an art experiment as he waited for his desert (nursing).  Surprisingly, the idea of weaning triggered a grief process for me. I was in denial about needing to wean and angry the doctor even suggested it. I began bargaining with myself which nursing sessions I could keep and I even became depressed that this magical bond that only Little Bear and I shared would soon be coming to an end. My response surprised me because frankly, I nursed much longer than I thought I was going to and it became much more important to me than I ever thought it would be. My initial motivations may have been selfless (i.e. it was better for baby and would save our household money) but, I never thought I would get so much in return.  Well, I finally traveled to acceptance and in true Mom-ease Bear fashion, I began my research binge. If we were going to wean, we were going to do it with the least amount of discomfort and disruption for both Little Bear and Mommy Bear.

To my surprise, I received very consistent and overlapping advice. I talked to our pediatrician, a specialized nurse, my midwife, a breastfeeding advocate, a nutritionalist and the other moms in my life.  My nerves melted away as a plan started to formulate.  We worked the plan and Little Bear successfully weaned without much disruption in about 5 weeks. We were able to do the holidays, birthdays and continue with everyday life too during the process. I of course got a second round of baby blues (the change in hormones got me again), but it was short lived and manageable.

I think my biggest fear was that I would lose "that" special bond.... I mean, I know I am his Mom and nothing will ever replace that, but I was literally the only one who could nurse him. I was the only one with the magical boob... Turns out, it wasn't just the boob that was magical. Being a Mom is magical all on its own and we developed new fixes for hungry, sleepy, bored, thirsty, hurt, scared, sick, and even flying..... My personal favorite being that Little Bear is much more cuddly now. Previously, any hugs or cuddles would quickly sink into nursing position and Little Bear asking for a snack. Now, I get to enjoy long and heartfelt hugs with no begging.

The purpose of this blog entry was really just to acknowledge my emotional transition in the hopes it reaches another Mommy who may be feeling similarly.  Motherhood. Isn't it just an amazing mind trip?!?! I love being a Mom,  but it can be hard.  Well, anyways... hope this helps. Stay tuned because my next entry will certainly include those tips and tricks that I learned and helped make weaning painless.

Weight Gain Lassi

My Little Bear is blessed with a fast metabolism. While it will certainly serve him when he is older, its not so great for baby weight gain in those early years. It is important for a baby to steadily gain weight in order to give the body a cushion in the case of future illness, teething issues causing avoidance of food, and to promote growth.

Our pediatrician initially recommended that we begin the name brand weight gaining shakes. Upon further research, I became very uneasy about this option. Often, the first or second ingredient was sugar! As for the rest, I literally could not pronounce a single other ingredient. It was a far stretch from the healthy, diverse diet of fresh and organic fruits and vegetables that we had introduced as his first foods.

There had to be another option...... I didn't want to force feed my baby who had a healthy appetite and relationship with food and I didn't want to just "fatten him up" on sugar and synthetic ingredients.  This is where the lassi came in, a traditional milkshake often shared in East Indian cuisine. With a few small adaptions, we had a "Little Bear Milkshake." Its high in calories and nutrition, low cost, and easy to make.

Ingredients:

8 oz of whole milk
4 oz of mango baby puree
1/2 cup of whole milk yogurt (plain or vanilla) or 2/3 cup of Greek yogurt
Add cinnamon to taste
Optional: local honey to taste

Benefits:

Mango	Whole Milk	Yogurt	Greek Yogurt
1 cup	1 cup	½ cup	2/3 cup
107 calories	146 calories	75 calories	130 calories
2.8 grams of protein	7.86 grams of protein	4.25 grams of protein	11 grams of protein
	Total	328 calories	383 calories
	Total	14.91 calories	21.66 grams

The lassi is also full of calcium, omegas 3-6, potassium, selenium, magnesium, and high in vitamins A, B, C, E, K. Also, cinnamon and honey add anti-fungal and antibacterial qualities, natural enzymes, and help to aid digestion, stabilize blood sugars, and build defense against local allergens.  

Directions: Just toss all of the ingredients in your blending agent of choice and Viola! You're done. We didn't want to replace any meals. We wanted to add calories to his day. So we blend at the start of our day and sip the lassi through a straw periodically as we play. One batch of the above makes two drinks for my 12 month old. We did one a day and within two weeks we had gained two pounds.

I have to admit, I sometimes drink the second drink myself. It's just that yummy. This Little Bear Milkshake is both baby and mommy approved.

Enjoy!