By the time my Little Bear was 1 year, he was speaking
in sentences and could articulate his needs. Now three, I have unique insight
into his little toddler mind because he can actually share how he is feeling
and what he thinks about things in a semi complex manner. This means making
phone calls or ordering at a drive through is particularly difficult, since
like me, he has an opinion about everything; but, it also gifts me with
insights that not everyone parent has access to.
Potty training has been a struggle for us. And not because
he isn’t potty trained, but because he is resistant to committing. He has been
using the potty inconsistently since before he was one, but frankly some days
he prefers his diaper and some days he prefers the potty. As a social worker
with a psychodynamic background, I am probably too sensitive to the idea of
pressuring him to meet this milestone.
What if Freud was right? As a result, I have just been following his lead.
One day, I had this conversation with me son:
Me: "Maybe its too confusing to use diapers, pull ups and
underwear. Do you think we should pack up your diapers and save them for your
baby sisters?"
Little Bear: "No. I like my diapers."
Me: "Okay. Can I ask you why you aren’t ready? Is it too
boring? Scary? Hard? Annoying?"
Little Bear: "No, I’m just not ready to be big…"
The simplicity of this statement hit me like a wall. He’s
not ready to be big. That’s okay. I get that. Upon deeper thought, I realized there is another layer to
this. I, through my "loving affirmations," have accidentally been pressuring him to stay little.
Me: "Will you be my baby forever?"
Me: "You’re growing up too fast."
Me: "I need my baby."
Also, Me: "You’re my perfect little baby."
All of these cuddles and loves, which we both cherish, really
reinforces him staying little forever. I know you Moms get that urge to slow
down time… but each milestone reached and growth observed is equally exciting.
I just want more of it all! But, I wasn’t relaying that to him. I was telling
him that I was not ready for him to be big.
Since this conversation, I have had to be mindful of how I
talk to him.
Me: "You will always be my beautiful boy."
Me: "I am so proud of how you are growing."
Me: "I need my big boy."
The new Me: "You are my perfect big boy."
We all know he will always be "my baby"…. He can be
40 with three kids and I will always remember that little chubby, hairy,
neckless miracle I pulled from my womb, but meanwhile, I need to be more
mindful of the messages I send him.
