Weaning, The Emotional Journey

July 2016
Silver Moon Photography
Photographer: Mary Larsen
http://www.silvermoonphotography.com/

Nursing my Little Bear has so far been the most rewarding, simplifying and exhausting part of parenting.  The bond is like no other.  The increased Oxycontin, delayed menstruation, and effortless calorie burning are some of the more selfish perks. The boob solved everything for us! Hungry, sleepy, bored, thirsty, hurt, scared, sick, even flying.... here, magical boob will fix it.  But man, can it be exhausting. The cluster feedings, growth spurts, biting episodes, and just endless drain of energy and nutrients sometimes left me feeling like a shell of myself.

At 12 months, we were ready to begin the weaning process. I could have easily nursed longer, but Little Bear preferred nursing over all other foods and he was needing to gain some weight. Magical boob fixed everything for us, except weight gain. I apparently had a low fat milk supply and meal times (real food) were becoming an art experiment as he waited for his desert (nursing).  Surprisingly, the idea of weaning triggered a grief process for me. I was in denial about needing to wean and angry the doctor even suggested it. I began bargaining with myself which nursing sessions I could keep and I even became depressed that this magical bond that only Little Bear and I shared would soon be coming to an end. My response surprised me because frankly, I nursed much longer than I thought I was going to and it became much more important to me than I ever thought it would be. My initial motivations may have been selfless (i.e. it was better for baby and would save our household money) but, I never thought I would get so much in return.  Well, I finally traveled to acceptance and in true Mom-ease Bear fashion, I began my research binge. If we were going to wean, we were going to do it with the least amount of discomfort and disruption for both Little Bear and Mommy Bear.

To my surprise, I received very consistent and overlapping advice. I talked to our pediatrician, a specialized nurse, my midwife, a breastfeeding advocate, a nutritionalist and the other moms in my life.  My nerves melted away as a plan started to formulate.  We worked the plan and Little Bear successfully weaned without much disruption in about 5 weeks. We were able to do the holidays, birthdays and continue with everyday life too during the process. I of course got a second round of baby blues (the change in hormones got me again), but it was short lived and manageable.

I think my biggest fear was that I would lose "that" special bond.... I mean, I know I am his Mom and nothing will ever replace that, but I was literally the only one who could nurse him. I was the only one with the magical boob... Turns out, it wasn't just the boob that was magical. Being a Mom is magical all on its own and we developed new fixes for hungry, sleepy, bored, thirsty, hurt, scared, sick, and even flying..... My personal favorite being that Little Bear is much more cuddly now. Previously, any hugs or cuddles would quickly sink into nursing position and Little Bear asking for a snack. Now, I get to enjoy long and heartfelt hugs with no begging.

The purpose of this blog entry was really just to acknowledge my emotional transition in the hopes it reaches another Mommy who may be feeling similarly.  Motherhood. Isn't it just an amazing mind trip?!?! I love being a Mom,  but it can be hard.  Well, anyways... hope this helps. Stay tuned because my next entry will certainly include those tips and tricks that I learned and helped make weaning painless.