Donor Conceived. What does that mean?

My son was donor conceived. He has two mom's and we were able to make a beautiful baby using a generous donation from a sperm donor and a little help from the doctor. For some families, this may be new. Your child may have some questions about this and you may struggle with knowing how to answer these questions. I admit as the parent, I too didn't know all of the "right" things to say, but I was able to get some great advise from a PhD leading in the field. I thought it would be helpful, to go ahead and just lay out a list of helpful points.

- Donors are not parents. They do not see themselves as parents when providing their donation. They see sperm or egg donation how you might see blood or bone marrow donation. As a result, we should always refer to them as the donor and not as the biological mother or father.

- Acknowledge that nature and nurture both take a strong role in developing a child. So the non-bio parent is 100% the parent. This is the same for a step-father who has stepped up for an absent biological father, or for adoptive parents who raise a child as their own. This means, we don't need to search for answers to questions past the parent's we see right in front of us. Let the child lead the way and not be placed in a position to answer circumstances complicated by adults.

- Donor conceived children may very likely have donor siblings. Each child and family view these relationships differently and this discussion should be led by the child and not by curious adults.

- Its okay to acknowledge a donor has been used. The word donor is generally not taboo in a family with a donor conceived child. Its okay to even ask the parent's about how it works or even ask for advice on how to talk to their own children about this family dynamic. Donor recipients have been trained usually by their fertility clinic on how to assist in these interactions. However, be prepared to sometimes get a response like, "we are choosing to keep those details personal." That's an okay response too.

- When talking to your own children, try to be inclusive of all of the different types of families that can exist. That is really half of the battle. They are much more open to these concepts and find little question in them compared to adults.

I hope this was helpful and interesting!