I hope I never forget....

I have been feeling sentimental lately... But I have good reason. My only baby will now soon be a big brother. I am transitioning from a first-time Mom to a Mom of multiples. Twins are on their way Spring of 2019. This transition has been a whirlwind of emotions including excitement, bewilderment, nerves and more. So with the combination of hormones, lack of sleep and my quickly growing son and family, I have been feeling sentimental lately. Please indulge me....

August 2018

Things I hope I never forget:

I hope I never forget that you say toe-tatos instead of potatoes,
and Togg instead of Todd.
I hope I never forget that your biggest fear is ants,
but you are working through this by regularly playing out pretend ant bites.
I hope I never forget that you line all of your cars up
creating a zen garden of Hotwheels.
I hope I never forget your morning breathe
or the smell of your head.
I hope I never forget that mornings are our best cuddles,
because you're too busy in the day for such things.
I hope I never forget your refusal to feed yourself,
and the times I roll my eyes trying to get you to take bites.
I hope I never forget your love for fake coughing,
and your insistence on yodeling daily.
I hope I never forget the moment you crowned,
and I impatiently grabbed you from me before the midwife could intervene.
I hope I never forget that hairy peeling baby skin,
and that little wrinkly butt.
I hope I never forget how frustrated you got trying to take your first steps.
You just couldn't wait and had to push through.
I hope I never forget the utter excitement and ownership you took,
the first time you saw your two baby siblings' sonogram.
I hope I never forget they way you look at me,
and how you say, "I love you, Mommy."
You will forever be my first born, our oldest son, and the one who made me a Mom.
I hope I never forget these little things...
the ones that don't always make the photo album,
but make my days with you perfect.

This Show is Mommy Approved

TV is a part of my parenting style. We limit it and ensure that what is watched is educational, but TV allows my son some down time when needed, Mommy to work at her computer when needed, or just exposure to fantasy or lessons outside of our every day world. One show we are in looooooove with is "Super Wings."

My son discovered "Super Wings" on Netflix. (My almost 3 year old is slowly but surely learning to navigate the IPad). Netflix currently offers 2 seasons (approximately 150 episodes) in English, Spanish, Italian, Korean and Mandarins. I love shows that my son can watch in English or Spanish and Netflix is a go to in our cable free home. I have also seen it on Amazon Prime. According to Wikipedia, "Super Wings is an animated television series co-produced by FunnyFlux Entertainment in South Korea, Qianqi Animation in China, and Little Airplane Productions in the United States, with the production support from the Educational Broadcasting System and CJ E&M in South Korea, and additional support from KOCCA."

Here is what I love about Super Wings:

Jet, the main character, is an airplane who delivers packages all over the world. During each episode, he is given a package by Jimbo or Sky to deliver. They then show a world map and outline the route of travel from their starting point. Before take off, Jimbo or Sky will teach Jet a few points about that country which will include, the language spoken, 1-2 words in that language, and some cultural details. Then Jet is off to make his delivery. 

Upon arrival in the new country, the package is delivered to its choice recipient and usually is a piece to some regional aspect or cultural event. The recipient usually has some challenge associated with the package, so Jet calls his other airplane friends and they solve the challenge together. All meanwhile, they navigate the new country's culture, language and traditions during their mission.

Some of these countries, I have never even heard of! I have a Master's degree!!!!! On the couch one day, my son turns to me and says, "Namaste means hello." He has soaked up every episode. This month marks his 3rd birthday and he got his first set of Super Wings toys. Now, I get to hear him play out these countries names and challenges on his bedroom floor with his new characters. He is really learning! 

I highly recommend this show for kids. Its entertaining, education, free, and fun! I say it would be good for ages 2-10.

“There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather" A Review

By Contributing Writer Alyssa Queen of Texas

If you read only one book this season, it should absolutely be “There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom's Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids (from Friluftsliv to Hygge)” by Linda Åkeson McGurk. This book is equal parts anecdotal narrative and non-fictional facts as the author navigates starting and raising a family as a Swedish transplant in the United States and then later, taking her American kids to Sweden for half a year. It gives you a completely different view of our own culture that is so ingrained in us and will inspire you to make little changes every day. It’s absolutely changed my entire perspective on raising children and made a huge difference in our lives!

It’s an easy-to-read, enjoyable story that at the heart examines the importance of outdoor play and letting kids learn to navigate risk throughout their life. It’s our job as parents to nurture and guide our children throughout life’s challenges, but equally as important for them to learn to face adversity on their own. Play, especially outdoor play, is the opportune time for them to push boundaries, learn how to carefully evaluate and take risks when they are ready, and manage the (both negative and positive) consequences that result. Other lovely side-effects of this include improvement in the overall health of our children, as well as teaching and inspiring them to be good stewards of this beautiful planet of ours. It also talks pretty in-depth about the Swedish versus American school systems that was both enlightening and alarming as my 3 year old will begin school faster than I can imagine. 

Two little bears playing at Free Forest School in Texas

This book isn’t just a personal story, or philosophical look at many parenting topics- it even dives into truly usable tips and information for putting these thoughts into action with our children. After you read it and are bursting at the seams to talk about it with someone like I was, message me and we can totally go to town! Also, full disclosure: I listened to it on my Audible app instead of actually, physically reading it the first time and the audiobook is really terrific! Though I loved it so much, I ended up buying the physical copy also and read it all over again. If I didn’t listen to books, I’d never get to “read” anything! #MomLife

I hope you get a chance to “read” it and it inspires you as much as it did me!

The horrors of IVs and littles.

Most mom's who have had their littlest, littles have an IV or extensive blood draw usually also has a traumatic story to share along with it. We are no exception. When my son was one and a half he got two viruses back to back at the tail end of the cold and flu season. The first virus has him running a fever for about a week, but nothing too high or dramatic. This of course resulted in decrease appetite, lethargy and a resistance to fluids... but we tried our best. By day 7, our Little Bear had contracted his second virus and started spiking high fevers of 104 and greater.

Our fourth trip to the doctor's resulted in a direct hospital admit for suspected dehydration.

Dehydration means IV.

April 2017

Up to this point, my son had had two blood draws for food allergy testing in his life. They of course hurt him, but he didn't even cry during the draws. They were short and performed on healthy hydrated veins. This IV stick however, was a different story. We had a cranky-sick baby, in a new hospital environment, with nurses dressed for quarantine, trying to stick an IV line into little dehydrated veins. It was a disaster.

The nurses began by wrapping (swaddling) my son in a blanket and allowing me to stand at his head to comfort him and control his upper body movements. Meanwhile, the two pediatric nurses attempted for the longest 45 minutes of me, my partners and I'm confident my son's life to get an IV line in.  Mommy mode had kicked in so I was calm and comforting but the moment he was returned back to the room with his other parent, I had to go for a walk so I could break down and cry. It was horrible. He was so scared and mad and miserable.

Two days later his IV fell out... I was not doing that to him again. I remember hesitating to even tell the nurse the IV fell out. But, at this point I knew my son had spiked some even higher fevers and it just needed to be done.

I went to the head nurse and stated that I wanted the most specialized and experienced nurse to perform the IV line. The head nurse with no hesitation stated, no problem. She called down to the NICU and a NICU nurse came up to perform the line.

This time was different from the start. The NICU nurse came with a vein viewer light. She shined it on my sons arm, which illuminated a clear view of his veins. Within a few tearless seconds his line was in and we were back in our room.

Photo source: https://www.christiemed.com/PublishingImages/Pages/pediatrics/veinviewer-tertiary20.png

My point in this story was not to disparage those hard working pediatric nurses who got my son's first line in. They had many challenges and throughout the process stayed calm and professional. My point is THERE IS A VEIN VIEWER! Ask for it. Require a NICU nurse who is accustomed to smaller and harder veins to put in your child's line. It was a completely different experience. I would love to save a mom and baby from having a scary, emotional IV story.

My son of course made a full recover and was up playing and home in no time. I caught the same virus upon our return home, but it was so minor on my adult body compared to my son's baby body. My ideal wish is that your little does not get sick enough to require an IV, but with cold and flu season here again, I wanted to pass on this info and hopefully save someone some heartache.
 

Donor Conceived. What does that mean?

My son was donor conceived. He has two mom's and we were able to make a beautiful baby using a generous donation from a sperm donor and a little help from the doctor. For some families, this may be new. Your child may have some questions about this and you may struggle with knowing how to answer these questions. I admit as the parent, I too didn't know all of the "right" things to say, but I was able to get some great advise from a PhD leading in the field. I thought it would be helpful, to go ahead and just lay out a list of helpful points.

- Donors are not parents. They do not see themselves as parents when providing their donation. They see sperm or egg donation how you might see blood or bone marrow donation. As a result, we should always refer to them as the donor and not as the biological mother or father.

- Acknowledge that nature and nurture both take a strong role in developing a child. So the non-bio parent is 100% the parent. This is the same for a step-father who has stepped up for an absent biological father, or for adoptive parents who raise a child as their own. This means, we don't need to search for answers to questions past the parent's we see right in front of us. Let the child lead the way and not be placed in a position to answer circumstances complicated by adults.

- Donor conceived children may very likely have donor siblings. Each child and family view these relationships differently and this discussion should be led by the child and not by curious adults.

- Its okay to acknowledge a donor has been used. The word donor is generally not taboo in a family with a donor conceived child. Its okay to even ask the parent's about how it works or even ask for advice on how to talk to their own children about this family dynamic. Donor recipients have been trained usually by their fertility clinic on how to assist in these interactions. However, be prepared to sometimes get a response like, "we are choosing to keep those details personal." That's an okay response too.

- When talking to your own children, try to be inclusive of all of the different types of families that can exist. That is really half of the battle. They are much more open to these concepts and find little question in them compared to adults.

I hope this was helpful and interesting!

An inclusive answer to "how babies are made."

Every parent knows that at some point their child is going to ask them "where do babies come from?" and "how are babies made?" These questions are almost always uncomfortable for parents because it can also trigger a discussion about sex. It usually comes too soon and marks the milestone that your baby certainly isn't a baby anymore. He or she is demonstrating complex thought and is wanting to learn how the world works. However, this question can get even more complicated for parents who are not able to conceive naturally. Thankfully, in this day an age there are so many amazing fertility options available that allow parents to use surrogates, egg donation, sperm donation, insemination, in vitro fertilization, etc and this doesn't even include the other ways we can make families including domestic or international adoption and foster care.

Emylee McIntyre Photography

Many of you already know that our Little Bear has two moms and is the result of sperm donation and IUI treatments. Prior to starting treatment, our clinic required us to participate in a psychological assessment. Resentful at first, this appointment ended up being so informative. It basically included a discussion of how to answer these questions for your donor conceived child and what language to use with them while growing up. I thought this information was so great, why not share it with friends?

The basic principle includes:

To make a baby, it takes a part from a woman called an egg and a part from a man called the sperm. Sometimes families have their own egg and sperm to use and sometimes families have very special donors that give them their egg and/or their sperm. It takes a lot of love and effort to make a baby and sometimes families need a lot of help from the doctor. Then, the baby has to grow in a belly. This is sometimes the mommy's belly but it can also be the birth mom's belly or a surrogate's belly. Then when the baby is big, it is ready to come out and be with its new family. 

So essentially, sex is really separated from the discussion and reserved for another day. The idea is to keep to the truth of how babies are made, but make slight changes that make the description inclusive of all families. Parent's can also tailor this to fit their specific child's conception/birth story, or to fit a friend's story that your child has questions about. As they get older, more and more details can fill in as they continue to ask questions.

I just really thought to myself what a beautiful world it could be if all children were introduced to how babies were made in this inclusive way. It also really helps to normalize fertility issues, if your child happens to have them as an adult. This introduction to fertility could help alleviate some of the shame and guilt for them later on.

Surprisingly, our 2 1/2 year old son asked us "how are babies made" last week!?!?! I was not ready for this.... I thought I had several more years, but his eager observant little mind has noticed his friends have brothers and sisters and he does not. We shared this story with him and talked to him specifically about how he was conceived. He loves this story! He asks to hear it over and over again. So this is baby tested and approved.

Free Range Parenting Fears

I love the idea of a free range childhood. I grew up in a very small town. We had a decent house in a new developing subdivision, which meant that we were surrounded by acres and acres of open land that was yet to be developed. So my modest subdivision home felt like a ranch with 500 acres. As a child, I was free range from very early on. My brother and I would wear a watch and we were required to check back in at home every hour or so, longer as we got older. Other than our "check ins," we were free to climb trees, build forts, and "rescue" whatever little wild mice or snakes we could capture. It was so much fun and it must have been generational. My mother and father had very similar upbringings. Both grew up in very rural parts of our small town and had easy access to redwood trees, creeks, rivers, wild berries and hills to entertain their days.

San Antonio, Texas

Fast forward to now. I live in a city of nearly 1.8 million people and our house is in the heart of this city. I don't know if times have changed or if there is just less comfort in going free range in a city vs. a town, but I cannot imagine letting my child have the same freedom that I had growing up. You see, in a town there is an understanding that you know most everyone. If someone passed by and saw me playing, it was most likely a friend, a neighbor, a cashier from the grocery... you get the idea. I am not sure if that is a false sense of security or if the stranger danger of a city really puts your child more at risk....  All I know is the idea of gangs, pedophiles and even city police scare range right out of my free.

Free Petting Zoo Event 2018

With that being said, I still love raising my child here. This city is bustling with low cost and free activities for kids. The amount of exposure we have access to is a blessing. My 3 year old has a solid group of diverse friends. He has seen original Picasos and Monets, held dozens of exotic animals, been to major arenas, and benefited from living in a city with a major airport (small town people know that flights are very, very expensive). But as a parent who appreciates free range, how can I incorporate that into my city lifestyle?   

Toddler Centered Art Tour 2018

 I feel free range parenting raises safe and confident kids. Free range parenting:
- Forces kids to assess risk themselves and navigate it appropriately.
- Offers kids opportunity to use their imagination and creativity to entertain themselves without the crutch of toys or electronics.
- Gives kids opportunities to problem solve issues and lets them practice social interactions without intervention.
- Lets kids sample independence and build self-efficacy prior to launching them off into the world.

I have some ideas brewing. Luckily, we also stable a horse at a ranch with 100 acres, so there is an obvious opportunity there; but, I would love to hear more ideas of how you safely incorporate free range parenting into your lifestyle. Any successes or failures? Anyone complete reject this parenting philosophy? Is there a difference between rural and urban? Any urban ideas or opportunities? I would love to hear it all!