Being Stronger.

The most intense part of being a mother for me is understanding that my child models himself after me. Its an immeasurable realization that while my little bear was born his own person, he utterly looks up to me (well... at least for now...) and will model his behaviors after mine. How I manage fear, he will learn. How I manage stress, he will learn.  As he becomes older, he may be able to cognitively process and establish different coping skills from mine, but the blueprint for these reactions come from those he is closest.

My mother pushed herself. She was immensely motivated to raise a strong woman. She recognized early on that there were certain aspects of her character and coping that made her life more difficult. She purposefully targeted all efforts to teaching me differently. She largely succeeded. I am a strong, independent and brave person. What's crazy though is on a cognitive level, I am able to do what was taught. However, when I slide into a lower level of consciousness, "autopilot," her behavioral blueprint is a part of my make up too.  I've repeated many of her same mistakes.  This is not a criticism of my mother, but an example to me of the powerful influence our parents have over our lives.

"Its not always enough to teach our kids how to be stronger, we also have to genuinely make ourselves stronger."  

• If we want our daughters to have good body image, we have to  model good body image. 
• If we want out sons to be emphatic, sensitive and strong, we have to model empathy, sensitivity and strength.
• If we don't want to raise codependent children, we cant be codependent adults. 
• If we don't want to raise a child with low self esteem, we cant model an all encompassing low self-esteem.  

Depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc, are all cyclical issues that are passed down from generation to generation. Other factors like biology, war-time trauma, extreme poverty, etc can of course change the course of a functional family, but largely we pass these lessons on to our children.

We will never be perfect. We are all flawed humans who are striving to be better. I will make mistakes with my son and I will unfortunately pass down some of my lower qualities. But I promise, I will dedicate every second of my life to being the best version of myself, to live consciously, so I can pass the best of my intentions.  The weight and pressure is real.

Photo by: Jessica Saurez Photography
http://www.jessica-suarez-photography.com/