Confession: Apologizing for Greatness

Last post, I discussed the responsibility of managing our lower qualities. One thing I do, that my mom does, and her mom does, is we hide and apologize for greatness. Its so automatic that until recently, I didn't even realize to what an extent I do this. Here is a clear example, if someone compliments me on my parenting, I quickly share a flaw that I have as a parent or divert all credit to my Little Bear. I don't just say "thank you," or engage in a conversation on the topic, I quickly divert and distract away from the praise.

I feel like I have to apologize for greatness. I work extremely hard. I'm constantly researching, working, living life at full speed, and I am proud of my accomplishments..... as long as no one notices. I keep many of my projects and passions secrets as not to draw attention. I graduated with high honors from undergrad and graduate school and the only person who shared this accomplishment was my partner. I didn't tell a sole (outside my resume).

In the past, I have justified and denied this behavior by wrongfully calling this humility, modesty, or shyness.  But really, its self deprecation. You give a compliment, I take it away with a bigger criticism.  I have a huge issue with this quality for two main reasons.

1) I want my Little Bear to be proud of his accomplishments and own them with genuine humility and modesty.


2) Out if habit, I now habitually apologize for my child's greatness.  (WHHAAAATTTTT!!!!!)

That second reasons hurts the most. I do, do that (deep sigh). For example, if someone compliments my son's advanced speech, I own it and say thank you. I'm proud. And then I quickly point out and refocus on that he is behind in his growth. Um.... What was that? Why!!!!

I've been working actively on socializing my Little Bear since birth. I'm the main care provider and largely stay at home, so I understand that without daycare, I have to purposefully create experiences for him. We have actively worked on playing, sharing, and interacting. The other day my Little Bear demonstrated that he is really grasping these skills at a recent play session. He made sure everyone in the room had a toy if they were too shy to get one on their own. And he is not even 2! What a sweetheart! The other parent's in the room were in such aw and asked how I worked with him on sharing. My response..... "I don't think he knew he was sharing. I think he just likes helping."  

For one, that doesn't even make sense, for two, I am undermining his generosity by reassigning his motivations as self serving, and three, "Ugh!" I immediately regretted saying it. Why would I steal his thunder? Why wouldn't I just share how we have been working on socialization? You know why? I was embarrassed.  Standing out and being successful embarrasses me, even though I work so hard to be successfully d want my son to grow up proud of his successes. 

This for me is by far the hardest blog entry to write and the one that feels the most personal. I am committing today, I will no longer apologize for my child's greatness. It doesn't mean other kids or people aren't great too. It just means he happens to be great also.  I also need to apply this lesson to myself. Or my son with learn this blueprint for accepting praise, just like I did.